Cousin has a divorce hearing on Monday

[BrilloPad]

What sort of divorce hearing? There is the formal divorce, the finances and the custody.

Formal divorce and custody are easy - finances are tough and cannot be done without a lawyer or VERY good mckenzie. Judges give people on their own a good kicking to make sort solicitors get used and propogate the family law gravy train.

Your cousin might as well throw himself off Clifton Suspension bridge.

[MyUserName]

What sort of divorce hearing? There is the formal divorce, the finances and the custody.

Formal divorce and custody are easy - finances are tough and cannot be done without a lawyer or VERY good mckenzie. Judges give people on their own a good kicking to make sort solicitors get used and propogate the family law gravy train.

Your cousin might as well throw himself off Clifton Suspension bridge.

I am not sure - I am not even sure whether he is sure.

She walked out and took the kids and is trying to get him out of the house so she can move back in. She is claiming he was violent and abusive which he denies. There are no police or medical records which support her claim but there are witnessed who heard him shouting. He also has witnesses who heard her shouting but not him.

The have not been apart 2 years or anything. As far as I am aware this is the first court hearing they have had.

[BrilloPad]

I am not sure - I am not even sure whether he is sure.

She walked out and took the kids and is trying to get him out of the house so she can move back in. She is claiming he was violent and abusive which he denies. There are no police or medical records which support her claim but there are witnessed who heard him shouting. He also has witnesses who heard her shouting but not him.

The have not been apart 2 years or anything. As far as I am aware this is the first court hearing they have had.

So it sounds like some sort of emergency custody hearing. At least he got notice of it which is good. She could have applied for an ex-parte hearing and the first he would have known was when judgement was handed to him.

I would suggest he takes someone with him just to steady his nerves. Its very important to focus on the needs of the children.

Technically she is not allowed to take the kids out of the house and he could have applied to have them returned.

How long have they been apart? Is the marriage inrecoverably broken down? Could councelling work?

More importantly, how long since he has seen the children? How much access is he getting?

[MyUserName]

Technically she is not allowed to take the kids out of the house and he could have applied to have them returned.

How long have they been apart? Is the marriage inrecoverably broken down? Could councelling work?

More importantly, how long since he has seen the children? How much access is he getting?

Not sure but I think it is quite recent. She has written on facebook how she is in love with someone else and 'has been forever' etc. Marriage seems dead.

As far as I am aware he has not seen the kids since they were taken.

[Paddy]

He says that he cannot get legal aid and therefore cannot afford a lawyer and intends to represent himself.

Does anyone know whether this thing about not getting legal aid is right? I thought that it was available if you did not have any money.

He is a nice guy but will get ripped to pieces if he tries to rep himself, he is not smart in the way that he needs to be for that kind of fight.

Legal aid for divorce has always been difficult.
It’s a bit late asking for advice if the Hearing is on Monday. If he is unprepared then I suggest that he asks for an order for directions and an adjournment for a few weeks to seek advice. He has a lot of work to do. He will need to go to Hammick’s legal bookshop in London (Open on Sat) and buy a few books.
He may be able to find a Mackenzie friend to help him (most are free of charge) . Google if you don’t know what I am on about. (I also do voluntary legal assistance in court).

[MyUserName]

To me too.

The blown up ones don't nag.

FTFY

[vetran]

Not sure but I think it is quite recent. She has written on facebook how she is in love with someone else and 'has been forever' etc. Marriage seems dead.

As far as I am aware he has not seen the kids since they were taken.

worth taking a copy of that? If no mention of abuse is it interesting to motive?

last thing I imagine he can do is show any negative emotion as it will be seen as an anger problem.

Years ago I lost my rag with an idiotic manager and hung up on him on my private phone he had rung me on , dragged into the office and accused of racism because he was black - wtf? I'd called him a **** many times (was most appropriate because he was totally incompetent ), never mentioned his colour. But my anger was instantly associated with his colour, I believe similar happens with abuse claims.

[BrilloPad]

Not sure but I think it is quite recent. She has written on facebook how she is in love with someone else and 'has been forever' etc. Marriage seems dead.

As far as I am aware he has not seen the kids since they were taken.

It is very very bad if he has not seen the kids.

Does he view the marriage as dead?

If he wants to make it work he is in a stronger position - he can suggest councelling etc.

Sounds like the DV angle is the usual - women make this stuff up to get their own way. Men just can't win.

Without knowing ALL the facts its very hard to give advice - but he will get a thorough kicking whatever he says.

However IMO he should concentrate on the needs of the children (and point out that she is not). He should try to stay in the house at all costs. He should not agree to leave unless access is agreed.

If its any help to him tens of thousands of guys go through this every year - but few talk about it. Whatever he does will be wrong.

[AtW]

Your cousin might as well throw himself off Clifton Suspension bridge.

Wouldn't she get everything in this case plus life insurance?

[EternalOptimist]

there is no justice in the divorce or family courts in this country. All the best wishes to your cousin, but stand by to get shafted.

I went through it 35 years ago, the only advice I have is to be honest, thats what I did and it seemed to stand me in good stead.

The thought of some other bloke living in my house and living off my sweat would drive me insane