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  1. #11

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    There are two guys talking.

    The first one says: “You know, the day I met you, I thought you were a c***. And every time we’ve met since I thought you were a c***. And it can’t just be me, because everyone who’s ever met you thinks you are a c***, and probably everyone who will ever meet you will think you’re a c***. In fact, you’ve got to be the second-biggest c*** in the world.”


    The second guy thinks about this for a while.

    “So the day you met me you thought I was a c***?”

    “Yep.”

    “And every day since you’ve thought I was a . . .”

    “Right.”

    “And everyone I’ve ever met thinks I’m a . . .”

    “You got it.”

    “And everyone I will ever meet will think I’m a . . .”

    “Uh-huh.”

    “So how comes,” he says, triumphantly, “I’m only the second biggest c*** in the world?”

    ...



    ...
















    The first guy looks at him with total contempt. “Because you’re a c***,” he says.

  2. #12

    What a muppet!

    Gonzo's Avatar
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    There was another version of this on here recently, but what the hell:

    A duck walks into a bar and orders a pint. The barman asks "What's your name? Have you had a good day?"

    The duck answers "My name's Huwey. I've had a good day, done a bit of this and that and bin in and out of puddles all day so life doesn't get better than that for a duck"


    Another duck walks into the bar and orders a pint. The barman asks "What's your name? Have you had a good day?" The duck answers "My name is Dewey. I've had a good day. Got into puddles a couple of times so I am happy."

    A third duck walks into the bar, The barman says "Let me guess, your name must be Louiy".

    "no" she says, "my name is Puddles"

  3. #13

    Godlike

    ChimpMaster's Avatar
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    Thanks guys & gals, very funny so far

  4. #14

    Nervous Newbie


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    Rich was talking to his buddy at the bar, and he said, "I don't have a clue what to get my wife for her birthday - she has everything, and besides, she can afford to buy anything she wants, so I'm stumped."

    His buddy said, "I have an idea - why don't you make up a certificate saying she can have 60 minutes of great sex, any way she wants it - she'll probably be thrilled."

    So that's what Rich did.

    The next day at the bar his buddy said, "Well? Did you take my suggestion?"

    "Yes, I did," said Joe.

    "Did she like it?" His buddy asked.

    "Oh yes! she jumped up , thanked me, kissed me on the forehead and ran out the door, yelling "I'll be back in an hour!!"

  5. #15

    More time posting than coding

    Swamp Thing's Avatar
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    A man walks into a bar....ouch.

    Geordie version: "A man walks into an iron bar like......hang on that's not reet"..
    "My God, it's huge!!"

  6. #16

    Godlike

    ChimpMaster's Avatar
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    It's been too long, lets have some more!

  7. #17

    Fingers like lightning


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    two cannibals sit down to eat.

    One says to the other "i hate my mother-in-law"

    The other replies "just eat your chips then"











    I'll get me coat
    Keep it clean!!!

  8. #18

    Super poster

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    Two parrots sitting on a perch, one turns to the other and says "Can you smell fish?".

  9. #19

    Super poster

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    A guy walks into a bakers' shop, he says, "I'd like a loaf of bread, please". The baker asks "Brown or White?", he says "it doesn't matter, I've got my bike outside".

  10. #20

    Fingers like lightning


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    Quote Originally Posted by wobbegong
    A guy walks into a bakers' shop, he says, "I'd like a loaf of bread, please". The baker asks "Brown or White?", he says "it doesn't matter, I've got my bike outside".
    i dont get it. explain
    Keep it clean!!!

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