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  1. #6331

    My post count is Majestic

    vetran's Avatar
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    I asked the wife if she was in the mood,"Which particular ******* mood are you referring to?" she snapped at me.I guess that was no then.
    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

  2. #6332

    My post count is Majestic

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    90% of being married is shouting “WHAT?” from other rooms.
    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

  3. #6333

    My post count is Majestic

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    Interviewer: Why did you leave your last post? Me: I came back from holidays, and all my passwords had expired.


    It was easier to resign than reset them.


    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

  4. #6334

    Prof Cunning @ Oxford Uni

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    For National Poetry Day:

    I dig
    You dig
    We dig
    He digs
    She digs
    They dig


    It's not a beautiful poem, but it's very deep.
    Strong and Stable Moderation

  5. #6335

    TPAFKAk2p2

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    For National Poetry Day


    There was a young man from Peru
    Whose limericks stopped on line two

  6. #6336

    Godlike

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    I saw a builders van today.
    it had 'Mutually Assured Construction' on the side.
    made Me chuckle
    Entropy is NOT what it used to be.
    Inertia, however........................

  7. #6337

    Prof Cunning @ Oxford Uni

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    "The cat scratched my groin when he saw that woman from Strictly"

    "Claudia Winkleman?"

    "No, man, but it was close"
    Strong and Stable Moderation

  8. #6338

    Should post faster

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    The waitress noticed me struggling to open the mini cornflakes packet in the breakfast buffet.
    "Just slide your finger between the flaps", she suggested.
    It finished badly. My face still stings and I'm banned from that hotel now.

  9. #6339

    Should post faster

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    "Have you ever seen £20 all crumpled up"...? The woman asked her husband...
    "No"... Said her husband...
    She gave him a sexy little smile, unbuttoned her blouse and slowly reached down into her bra and pulled out a crumpled twenty pound note.
    He took the crumpled £20 note from her and smiled approvingly...

    "Have you ever seen £50 all crumpled up"...? She then asked her husband.
    "No .. No, I haven't" ... He said (with an anxious tone in his voice)...
    She gave him another sexy little smile, pulled up her skirt, and seductively reached into her tight, sheer knickers... and pulled out a crumpled fifty pound note. He took the crumpled £50 note and started breathing a little quicker with anticipation.

    "Now" ...She said. "Have you ever seen £10,000 all crumpled up"...?
    "No, never" ... He said (while obviously becoming even more excited)...

    "Well, go and look in the garage!"...she said

  10. #6340

    Prof Cunning @ Oxford Uni

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    Tip of the day: Remember to disconnect your phone from the Bluetooth speaker when you sneak upstairs to watch porn after the family Sunday dinner.
    Strong and Stable Moderation

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