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  1. #6441

    Prof Cunning @ Oxford Uni

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    What’s the difference between my dog and your wife?

    My dog doesn’t always come when I call.
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  2. #6442

    Double Godlike!

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    [QUOTE=Grasser73;2636745]Janet Street Porter goes into a bar and asks the barman "Can I get a large aperitif?"

    Oh, larger pair of teeth! Took me a while to get that one.
    bloggoth

    If everything isn't black and white, I say, 'Why the hell not?'
    John Wayne (My guru, not to be confused with my beloved prophet Jeremy Clarkson)

  3. #6443

    Double Godlike!

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    A man walks in to his marital bedroom with a sheep under his arm. His wife, who is in bed, looks up as the man says “This is the pig I **** when you have a headache”.
    The wife looks at him and says
    “I think you’ll find that is not a pig, it is a sheep.”
    the man replies “I think you’ll find I was talking to the sheep.”
    bloggoth

    If everything isn't black and white, I say, 'Why the hell not?'
    John Wayne (My guru, not to be confused with my beloved prophet Jeremy Clarkson)

  4. #6444

    My post count is Majestic

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    Quote Originally Posted by WTFH View Post
    What’s the difference between my dog and your wife?

    My dog doesn’t always come when I call.
    upvoted and stolen!
    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

  5. #6445

    Prof Cunning @ Oxford Uni

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    Quote Originally Posted by vetran View Post
    upvoted and stolen!
    Copyright: me.

    I thought it up while out walking her the other day (The Dog, not your wife)
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  6. #6446

    My post count is Majestic

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    Quote Originally Posted by WTFH View Post
    Copyright: me.

    I thought it up while out walking her the other day (The Dog, not your wife)

    That's alright I normally take your wife for a ride
    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

  7. #6447

    Suffers Fools...Badly!

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    My Dad always taught us to stand tall with your head held high like him. Lovely man, tragically short career as helicopter ground crew.
    “The period of the disintegration of the European Union has begun. And the first vessel to have departed is Britain”

  8. #6448

    Prof Cunning @ Oxford Uni

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    I’m fat but I identify as thin. I’m trans-slender.
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  9. #6449

    Fingers like lightning

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    Quote Originally Posted by vetran View Post
    That's alright I normally take your wife for a ride
    is it a sign of your age or his..? that you no longer use "mum" jokes for this..

  10. #6450

    I Am Legend


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    Inspired by this: -
    https://www.contractoruk.com/forums/...ml#post2640459

    What is green and commutes? An albelian grape.

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