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  1. #6531

    Prof Cunning @ Oxford Uni

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    Yesterday my audiologist told me I’d gone deaf.


    Well that’s something I didn’t expect to hear.
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  2. #6532

    King of updation

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    How sad that Jeffrey Epstein's suicide watch prison guard was tragically killed in a car accident tomorrow.
    On Desolation Boulevard, they'd light the faded lights.....

  3. #6533

    TykeLike

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    What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?

    Alickalotapuss
    “Live a good life. If there are gods and they are just, then they will not care how devout you have been, but will welcome you based on the virtues you have lived by. If there are gods, but unjust, then you should not want to worship them. If there are no gods, then you will be gone, but will have lived a noble life that will live on in the memories of your loved ones.”

    ― Marcus Aurelius

  4. #6534

    TPAFKAk2p2

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    A cowboy asked me if I could help him round up 18 cows.

    I said, "Yes, of course. That's 20 cows."

  5. #6535

    Godlike

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    Acoustic.

    what a scottish farmer uses
    to control his cattle.
    Entropy is NOT what it used to be.
    Inertia, however........................

  6. #6536

    More fingers than teeth

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    A Group of guys, all turning 40, discussed where they should meet for lunch.
    Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Wetherspoons in
    Uxbridge because the waitresses had big breasts and wore mini-skirts.

    Ten years later, at age 50, the friends once again discussed where
    they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet
    at Wetherspoons in Uxbridge because the waitresses were attractive.
    The food and service was good and the beer selection was excellent.

    Ten years later, at age 60, the friends again discussed where they
    should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at
    Wetherspoons in Uxbridge because there was plenty of parking, they
    could dine in peace and quiet with no loud music, and it was good
    value for money.

    Ten years later, at age 70, the friends discussed where they should
    meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at
    Wetherspoons in Uxbridge because the restaurant was wheelchair
    accessible and had a toilet for the disabled.

    Ten years later, at age 80, the friends discussed where they should
    meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at
    Wetherspoons in Uxbridge because they had never been there before.

    Brexit is having a wee in the middle of the room at a house party because nobody is talking to you, and then complaining about the smell.

  7. #6537

    I Am Legend


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    I have had the sh1ts for 5 weeks. Went to the doctor last Friday. He said not to worry, they go back to school on Tuesday.....

  8. #6538

    TykeLike

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    What’s brown and sticky?






    Anal
    “Live a good life. If there are gods and they are just, then they will not care how devout you have been, but will welcome you based on the virtues you have lived by. If there are gods, but unjust, then you should not want to worship them. If there are no gods, then you will be gone, but will have lived a noble life that will live on in the memories of your loved ones.”

    ― Marcus Aurelius

  9. #6539

    Prof Cunning @ Oxford Uni

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    Brillo said to me “what rhymes with orange”

    I replied “No it doesn’t”
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  10. #6540

    Fingers like lightning


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    Quote Originally Posted by SimonMac View Post
    What’s brown and sticky?



    Anal

    What’s brown and sticky? (Part 2)

    Stick Man lives in the family tree With his Stick Lady Love and their stick children three.' But it's dangerous being a Stick ManA dog wants to play with him, a swan builds her nest with him. Heeven ends up on a fire! Will he ever get back to the family tree?

    No he gets shoved up someone ass (now brown)



    Sent from my iPhone using Contractor UK Forum

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