Please put more jokes here Please put more jokes here - Page 700
Page 700 of 711 FirstFirst ... 200600650690698699700701702710 ... LastLast
Posts 6,991 to 7,000 of 7110
  1. #6991

    Godlike

    ladymuck's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    Location
    London
    Posts
    9,443

    Default

    What borders on stupidity?

    Mexico and Canada

  2. #6992

    Prof Cunning @ Oxford Uni

    WTFH's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2012
    Posts
    20,671

    Default

    I think when the next pandemic hits, we should close the hospitals but keep comedy clubs open to find out which is the best medicine once and for all.
    Practice social posting
    Stay Alert
    - Moderate the Posts -Save Face
    Together we can beat the CV offenders

  3. #6993

    Prof Cunning @ Oxford Uni

    WTFH's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2012
    Posts
    20,671

    Default

    Wife: since lockdown, do you think I’ve put on weight?
    Husband: you weren’t exactly skinny beforehand

    Time of death: 11pm
    Cause of death: Covid.


    ...and that is why you shouldn’t believe the government statistics
    Practice social posting
    Stay Alert
    - Moderate the Posts -Save Face
    Together we can beat the CV offenders

  4. #6994

    Double Godlike!

    Paddy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Posts
    10,408

    Default

    An Eskimo's car breaksdown. The AA man arrives and says, "You may have blown a seal". Eskimo replies, "No, its just frostbite on my lips."
    Last edited by Paddy; 3rd June 2020 at 14:54.
    Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity

    我们不是病毒

  5. #6995

    My post count is Majestic

    vetran's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    Location
    Come Friendly Bombs
    Posts
    33,824

    Default

    Tony Christie visits his local Zoo and sees a sign saying..
    Fat Scaly Insect EaterThis Way.
    After a while he reaches a cage and asks the Zookeeper...Is This The Weighty Armadillo?
    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

  6. #6996

    My post count is Majestic

    vetran's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    Location
    Come Friendly Bombs
    Posts
    33,824

    Default

    "I'm doing my first skydive tomorrow."
    "Tandem?"
    "No way. It's dangerous enough without a bike."
    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

  7. #6997

    My post count is Majestic

    vetran's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    Location
    Come Friendly Bombs
    Posts
    33,824

    Default

    I wanted to create a # to show the military are people too, but I just keep getting retweets from Sea World



    #marinelivesmatter
    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

  8. #6998

    Godlike

    ladymuck's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    Location
    London
    Posts
    9,443

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by vetran View Post
    Tony Christie visits his local Zoo and sees a sign saying..
    Fat Scaly Insect EaterThis Way.
    After a while he reaches a cage and asks the Zookeeper...Is This The Weighty Armadillo?
    Oh...that's so bad...

  9. #6999

    Prof Cunning @ Oxford Uni

    WTFH's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2012
    Posts
    20,671

    Default

    Had a painter and decorator in at the weekend. He was an ex pilot.

    Made a lovely job on the landing.
    Practice social posting
    Stay Alert
    - Moderate the Posts -Save Face
    Together we can beat the CV offenders

  10. #7000

    Double Godlike!


    Join Date
    Sep 2014
    Location
    Work-life balance nirvana
    Posts
    11,830

    Default

    I read a headline at the weekend about a polygamous cannibal family; two wives eight children.
    The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world that he didn't exist

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •