Please put more jokes here Please put more jokes here - Page 740
Page 740 of 756 FirstFirst ... 240640690730738739740741742750 ... LastLast
Posts 7,391 to 7,400 of 7552
  1. #7391

    My post count is Majestic

    vetran's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    Location
    Come Friendly Bombs
    Posts
    35,496

    Default

    Ex Transport Secretary, Chris "Failing" Grayling has landed a £100k job working for Felixstowe Port Authority.


    He will reportedly be working 7 hours a week for a year.


    And already the company is seeing the benefits of employing him, as the Zeebrugge to Felixstowe ferry has just arrived..


    Into Southampton..
    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

  2. #7392

    My post count is Majestic

    vetran's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    Location
    Come Friendly Bombs
    Posts
    35,496

    Default

    Ex-Labour Deputy Leader Tom Watson, who tried to ban gambling companies on football shirts and called gambling a ''hidden epidemic'' has just landed a highly paid job with:
    a) Paddy Power
    b) Betfair
    c) Sky Bet
    d) Poker Stars
    e) All of them.


    Place your bets please.
    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

  3. #7393

    Prof Cunning @ Oxford Uni

    WTFH's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2012
    Posts
    21,926

    Default

    Was just reading about a man, possibly on here, who has a new magic fitness watch and got all the way to downloading & signing up to an ovulation-monitoring app before realising that “cycle tracker” was not going to tell him where he’d been on his bike
    I'm perfect, in a very specific and limited way.
    Hands... out infractions
    Face... the music
    Space... between the ears

  4. #7394

    Prof Cunning @ Oxford Uni

    WTFH's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2012
    Posts
    21,926

    Default

    After a man is ridiculed online for using a live snake as a face mask, No 10 admits it was a mistake inviting Chris Grayling to a Cobra meeting.
    I'm perfect, in a very specific and limited way.
    Hands... out infractions
    Face... the music
    Space... between the ears

  5. #7395

    My post count is Majestic

    vetran's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    Location
    Come Friendly Bombs
    Posts
    35,496

    Default

    If women ruled the world apparently there would be no wars. Instead, there would just a bunch of angry countries not talking to each other.
    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

  6. #7396

    My post count is Majestic

    vetran's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    Location
    Come Friendly Bombs
    Posts
    35,496

    Default

    Q. What’s the difference between a flying pig and a politician?
    A. The letter F.
    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

  7. #7397

    My post count is Majestic

    vetran's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    Location
    Come Friendly Bombs
    Posts
    35,496

    Default

    Did you know that a group of baboons is called a congress…


    Well that explains it all now doesn’t it
    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

  8. #7398

    My post count is Majestic

    vetran's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    Location
    Come Friendly Bombs
    Posts
    35,496

    Default for Barmy

    If you lose one sense, your other senses become enhanced.
    This is why people with no sense of humour have an increased sense of self-importance.
    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

  9. #7399

    My post count is Majestic

    vetran's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    Location
    Come Friendly Bombs
    Posts
    35,496

    Default

    Just read in the newspaper that lots of Americans have been sending their old clothes to the poor in Africa.


    Waste of time in my opinion. I’ve never seen an African with a 52 inch waist.
    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

  10. #7400

    My post count is Majestic

    vetran's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    Location
    Come Friendly Bombs
    Posts
    35,496

    Default

    Q. Why is President Clinton the greatest president of all time?
    A. Because he was always HARD at work.
    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •