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  1. #7421

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    Funny how government advice changes!


    August - EOHO (Eat Out to Help Out)


    September - DUFO (Drink up, **** Off)
    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

  2. #7422

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    The local stationary shop has moved. How ironic
    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

  3. #7423

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    Covid 19, Aids and the Black Death walk into a bar.


    Barman says, “**** OFF IT’S AFTER TEN AND BORIS SAYS YOU ARE BARRED!”
    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

  4. #7424

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    That's Christmas sorted.




    I'm gonna kill the turkey, and invite 30 people around for the funeral.
    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

  5. #7425

    Prof Cunning @ Oxford Uni

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    I've recorded an album called 'Obsessed With Sex'.


    It's only got one track, mind.
    I'm perfect, in a very specific and limited way.
    Hands... out infractions
    Face... the music
    Space... between the ears

  6. #7426

    Prof Cunning @ Oxford Uni

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    Brexit was supposed to turn the UK into an economic superman, but all we have ended up with are more clerks in Kent
    I'm perfect, in a very specific and limited way.
    Hands... out infractions
    Face... the music
    Space... between the ears

  7. #7427

    Prof Cunning @ Oxford Uni

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    Stop buying plastic skeletons for Halloween.
    It’s terrible for the environment.

    Locally sourced, all natural cyclist skeletons are much more environmentally friendly.
    I'm perfect, in a very specific and limited way.
    Hands... out infractions
    Face... the music
    Space... between the ears

  8. #7428

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    I've just been diagnosed with terminal D.I.Y shoppers syndrome.
    I've been given six Wickes to live.
    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

  9. #7429

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    I don’t know how these chain smokers do it.


    I can’t get mine to light.
    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

  10. #7430

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    "Don't get too drunk and make sure you're home by 10".


    Reminds me of being 14.
    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

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