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    I'm thinking of opening an anal bleaching salon that specialises in different shades
    I'll call it Ring Tones

    Comment


      Why do old assembly programmers get Halloween and Christmas confused?

      31 Oct is the same as 25 Dec.

      Comment


        A Welshman was up in court this week after being caught having sex with an entire herd of crossbred cloned sheep.


        In his plea for mitigating circumstances he said "he'd always had a weakness for Dolly mixtures".
        Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

        Comment


          Netflix are doing a new series about the lives of composers. It's a bit drawn out though. The episodes about Vivaldi cover four seasons.
          Down with racism. Long live miscegenation!

          Comment


            MEN are organizing BBQ on Whatsapp:
            Topic: BBQ
            Man 1: Hey guys, when are we going to barbecue?
            Man 2: Thursday at 20.00 p.m. in ′′ Man 9 ′′ house
            Man 1: Okay what do we take?
            Man 9: I buy the meat and the drinks, then we split.
            Man 5: Ok
            Man 1: Ok
            Man 3: Ok
            Man 2: Ok
            Man 4: Ok
            Man 6: Ok
            Man 7: Ok
            Man 8: Ok
            Man 10: Ok
            Man 11: Ok
            Man 12: Ok
            Man 13: Ok
            Man 14: Ok
            Man 15: Ok
            END OF CONVERSATION
            WOMEN are organizing BBQ on WhatsApp:
            Topic: BBQ
            Woman 1: Hi everyone, when are we going to meet up and barbecue?
            Woman 2: Thursday at 20 p.m.
            Woman 3: Where?
            Woman 2: Idk
            Woman 4: Where girls?
            Woman 4: If you want you can join me
            Woman 2: Wouldn't it be better to go to a restaurant?
            Woman 5: No, home is better then we don't spend that much and have more time
            Woman 2: Okay with me
            Woman 3: Ok
            Woman 5: Ok
            Woman 4: Ok
            Woman 6: Okay? Restaurant or at home?
            Woman 2: Home
            Woman 7: Restaurant
            Woman 2: Then let's go to woman 4 house
            Woman 3: Okay, what do we take?
            Woman 8: Does anyone know how to barbecue?
            Woman 2: #lookingforwardtoit
            Woman 6: What shall we buy?
            Woman 2: Let's make a list
            Woman 8: Ok
            Woman 4: A little meat and salad, what do you think?
            Woman 5: Well I'm on a diet so I'm just going to eat lettuce and tomatoes
            Woman 2: Okay then?
            Woman 1: I'll make a list and everyone says what they can bring
            Woman 2: Greek salad
            Woman 3: Quinoa
            Woman 4: Sausage and potatoes
            Woman 5: Hit, tomato and some vegetables for another salad
            Woman 1: Okay, how much?
            Woman 6: Idk
            Woman 2: 5 sausages?
            Woman 2: Who eats sausage?
            Woman 2: Not me
            Woman 5: Not me
            Woman 7: Not me
            Woman 3: Not me
            Woman 4: Not me
            Woman 8: Not me
            Woman 1: Okay then I won't buy sausage
            Woman 2: But you, woman 4, why did you say you were going to buy sausage if you don't eat it?
            Woman 4: Because I put myself in the shoes of someone eating sausage
            Woman 1: Ok then no sausage
            Woman 1: satés and steak, 1 kilograms and 1 kilograms, ok?
            Woman 7: It seems small
            Woman 1: How much?
            Woman 2: Idk
            Woman 2: Girls? What do you think?
            Woman 8: I think it's half a kilo per person
            Woman 4: How much are we?
            Woman 1: Idk. Girls, confirm who's going
            Woman 2: Me
            Woman 3: Me
            Woman 5: Me
            Woman 6: Me
            Woman 7: Me
            Woman 8: Me
            Woman 9: Me
            Woman 10: Me
            Woman 11: Me
            Woman 4: When is it?
            Woman 2: Thursday?
            Woman 4: I can't then
            Woman 2: Bad luck, so we don't have a location?
            Woman 4: Sorry girls the reminder for this appointment just went
            Woman 1: What other house is available?
            Woman 8: How much are we?
            Woman 2: 10
            Woman 3: It doesn't fit in my house
            Woman 5: Not mine either
            Woman 6: Not mine either
            Woman 7: Much less in mine
            Woman 8: Not mine either
            Woman 9: Not mine either
            Woman 10: Mine can do it... but I need chairs, can anyone bring?
            Woman 2: Woman 11 has a seat rental shop she can take with her
            Woman 5: But she doesn't reply she must be at work
            Woman 9: I don't eat sausage
            Woman 2: We still have to find a location
            Woman 12: Sorry girls just got the phone what happened?
            Woman 2: Still looking for a location
            Woman 12: Come to my house no stress
            Woman 2: Ok, excellent
            Woman 12: Wait... what day?
            Woman 2: Thursday at 20.00 p.m.
            Woman 12: Huummmmm that complicates things... can it be Wednesday?
            Woman 2: Fine
            Woman 2: Same time?
            Woman 2: Yes?
            Woman 3: I can
            Woman 4: I can
            Woman 5: I need to take Gabi to her grandmother's house but I can go later after she falls asleep
            Woman 8: Okay.
            Woman 9: I can
            Woman 6: I can
            Woman 7: I can
            Woman 11: I can
            Woman 2: Done, Wednesday at wife 12's house.
            Woman 3: Yes
            Woman 1: Girls, come back to the BBQ... do I buy half a kilo per person?
            Woman 8: Yes
            Woman 1: Ok I'll ask Pieter to buy
            Woman 2: Ok... and what shall we do with drinks?
            Woman 3: Everyone take what they drink and that's all
            Woman 9: I can't because I'm going straight from work
            Woman 6: Well, woman 1 better buy everything and send it a little bit later
            Woman 1: Girls, I can't buy everything, is anyone giving me a hand?
            Woman 6: I will help, what are you girls drinking?
            Woman 2: Coke Zero
            Woman 4: Water
            Woman 5: Juice
            Woman 6: Spa red
            Woman 9: Water with a taste
            Woman 3: Girls, can we buy peach ice tea?
            Woman 8: Let's go to a restaurant girls that's less effort
            Woman 2: I think so too
            Woman 4: Me too
            Woman 6: Me too
            Woman 7: Me too
            Woman 9: Me too
            Woman 11: Me too
            Woman 12: Me too
            Woman 1: Ahhh girls, I already sent Pieter to buy everything, we need to bbq
            Woman 2: Uhh nonsense...
            Woman 4: I want water but it must be Bonaqua containing less sodium then I won't get a bloated feeling
            Woman 1: Girls, can we organize please?????
            Woman 2: Ok
            Woman 6: Ok
            Woman 4: Ok
            Woman 9: Ok
            Woman 5: Ok
            Woman 8: Ok
            Woman 11: I don't eat sausage either
            Woman 5: (sends a necklace) Girls... please share... The dog is called BOB... he got lost at the station yesterday, if everyone works together, we can find him and bring him back to his owners... They must be sick worried ?
            Woman 6: Yes, poor BOB
            Woman 9: BOB is beautiful!! What breed is it?
            Woman 5: Idk... got this on my yoga group
            Woman 2: But do you know the owners?
            Woman 5: No, but I felt sorry for BOB
            Woman 1: Pieter called me from the butcher shop and said they don't have steaks, what should we get?
            Woman 2: I prefer chorizo steak
            Woman 4: Me too
            Woman 1: Girls, we can decide right away because Pieter is going to kill me, he's at the butcher shop waiting for us to decide
            Woman 6: I think it's unfair that it always goes like this, it's always the same ones that organize everything and nobody else feels called to do anything
            Woman 10: Hi girls just woke up and got 369 posts in our group what happened?
            Woman 3: Shall I tell you...

            Comment


              My local brothel has an online reservation system.


              I’ve got a slot booked between 7 and 8 tonight.
              Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

              Comment


                I knocked on Ed Sheeran's door knowing full well he couldn't come out.


                I love playing lockdown ginger.
                Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

                Comment


                  Think I might give Halloween a miss this year … after all, I’ve been munching sweets and wearing a mask since March.
                  Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

                  Comment


                    Yesterday I met my Welsh girlfriend’s whole family for the first time.


                    Her father, her uncle, her brother.


                    Nice guy.
                    Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

                    Comment


                      I was surprised when my dad told me he's a retired dog walker.


                      I don't know why he doesn't walk working dogs too.
                      Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

                      Comment

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