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  1. We have always been in lockdown until one day...

    We have always been in lockdown until one day when we have never been.

    As probably written in:

    THE THEORY AND PRACTICE OF
    OLIGARCHICAL COLLECTIVISM
    by
    Emmanuel Goldstein
    Ignorance is...
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    184

    There's a lot of money in it for the top...

    There's a lot of money in it for the top players/teams.

    Johan '''N0tail''' Sundstein: Inside the world'''s richest e-sports player'''s mansion - BBC News
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    152
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    2,821

    Ooops... All Parler user data is being...

    Ooops...
    All Parler user data is being downloaded as we speak! : ParlerWatch
  4. Thread: Good news

    by Uncle Albert
    Replies
    9
    Views
    167

    I'll snicker-snack it if it tries any whiffling.

    I'll snicker-snack it if it tries any whiffling.
  5. Thread: Good news

    by Uncle Albert
    Replies
    9
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    167

    :tantrum::tantrum::tantrum: This is terrible...

    :tantrum::tantrum::tantrum:
    This is terrible news. The more people refuse the jab, the sooner I get it. The last thing I want is more people taking up the offer. Please can someone push out some...
  6. If this is true then it's brilliant. ...

    If this is true then it's brilliant.
    ...
  7. Replies
    17
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    349

    They can self identify as whatever they like...

    They can self identify as whatever they like these days.
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    9
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    330

    Hmm... I suppose it could come in handy if you...

    Hmm... I suppose it could come in handy if you ever needed to drive two cars at the same time.


    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tC9_GCD7y3s&feature=youtu.be
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    14
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    468

    Hope you feel better soon. Has there been a...

    Hope you feel better soon.

    Has there been a recent CUK Mod party? You could all go down with Covid and the place will become as lawless as that NamesFacePlaces site from 20 years ago.
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    But the UK has projects like Crossrail - £4bn...

    But the UK has projects like Crossrail - £4bn over budget and over four years late. Four years of extra employment, the Swiss missed a trick. :rolleyes:
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    Yay, we can defend our fish.

    Yay, we can defend our fish.
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    633

    That was kind of my point. EU nationals can just...

    That was kind of my point. EU nationals can just stroll across the border while the British will have to queue for passport control.
  13. Replies
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    633

    Stop whinging. You can now: 1) Go fishing...

    Stop whinging.

    You can now:

    1) Go fishing without having to ask permission from an Italian.

    2) Go through passport control without mixing with any of those nasty European types.

    3) Enter...
  14. Time for a Kentish remake of Smokey and the...

    Time for a Kentish remake of Smokey and the Bandit.


    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QRLfPTOMbw0&ab_channel=DouglasGarner
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    314

    Good. Another few years and we might be rid of...

    Good. Another few years and we might be rid of the scourge of religion all together.
  16. Thread: Tier 5

    by Uncle Albert
    Replies
    46
    Views
    1,533

    Numbered tiers are so November. I think we need...

    Numbered tiers are so November. I think we need to move to letters, like we used to do for A levels. A* being the highest lockdown level and U for do what the **** you like.
  17. Poll: Meh, it's easy when you have the right kind of...

    Meh, it's easy when you have the right kind of snow. If they had to deal with 2mm of our treacherous British snow they'd be scuppered.
  18. Replies
    199
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    6,127

    I feel dirty for having looked at that. Please...

    I feel dirty for having looked at that. Please can we stop promoting this arse?
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    18
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    412

    Yes, I spent a little time in an American school...

    Yes, I spent a little time in an American school system and to me electrocution has always meant death rather than the survivable electric shock.

    As for the unfortunate child, Ohm my god he's...
  20. Replies
    78
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    1,205

    Yes, his A-Levels. They have said they will...

    Yes, his A-Levels.
    They have said they will give advance notice of the topics that they will be tested on and may be given extra resourses in the exam.
    But the difference in hours of face to...
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    1,205

    Meanwhile, back on topic... The government...

    Meanwhile, back on topic...

    The government have screwed this up for both teachers and students.

    My 17 year old has had to isolate at home for 5 weeks this term. Obvously he didn't attend...
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    237

    Hope he keeps away from his wife. She must be in...

    Hope he keeps away from his wife. She must be in an at risk age group.
  23. Click here to block the sockie...

    Click here to block the sockie
  24. Thread: Big Data

    by Uncle Albert
    Replies
    36
    Views
    1,048

    1) If it's too much to fit into a .Xls then it's...

    1) If it's too much to fit into a .Xls then it's "Big Data" as defined by the HMG.

    2) If a grand a day seems like a lot of money, then you have no hope of ever securing a government contract.
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    Why? At least your wife/husband presumably did...

    Why? At least your wife/husband presumably did once choose you over all others. Countries are almost by definition out to get the best for their population at the expense of all others.

    I've yet...
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    We decided to divorce from them. As many posters...

    We decided to divorce from them. As many posters here can testify, the friendly, what's mine is yours, till death us do part wife/husband can become a vicious, psychotic, mad axe murderer once the...
  27. So are arseh*les.

    So are arseh*les.
  28. Boris Johnson has "absolutely no doubt that he is...

    Boris Johnson has "absolutely no doubt that he is the best person to lead this country".

    I believe that much more than any words that escape from his cake hole.
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    Is that what Brexit has now come down to? We'll...

    Is that what Brexit has now come down to? We'll "adapt and survive", if that's really the best we can hope for then we're doomed. We've spent four years pissing about trying to find a way to make...
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    Needs more "splodgeness" ...

    Needs more "splodgeness"


    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yBGfuDmvU8c
  31. Brexit to send price of dildos and butt plugs soaring, sex toy company warns

    That's another export market "screwed" up. Johnny foreigner will have to pay more for the best of British.

    Brexit to send price of dildos and butt plugs soaring, sex toy company warns
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    Doom: Squirrels "rotten" revenge!

    :eek:
    Sex Pistols star Johnny Rotten bitten by a flea after rescuing squirrels | 1 NEWS | TVNZ
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    647

    We should take advice from Aldous Huxley and...

    We should take advice from Aldous Huxley and re-word it to "Decanted by ..."
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    518
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    15,703

    Forget the military, "bible bashers against...

    Forget the military, "bible bashers against Biden" are on the job:

    https://twitter.com/RightWingWatch/status/1324175651515949056
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    Poll: Heh, I've more than one passport but US has never...

    Heh, I've more than one passport but US has never been one I've wanted.
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    641

    Poll: Biden to win but with Trump winning the popular...

    Biden to win but with Trump winning the popular vote in a direct reversal of last time. Just think of the barrage of tweets that would be released. It could even lead to Trump trying again in four...
  37. Thread: Crash!

    by Uncle Albert
    Replies
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    444

    I bet they were excavating a huge basement. That...

    I bet they were excavating a huge basement. That seems to be the most frequent reason for London building collapses.
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    https://stuffcajunpeoplelike.files.wordpress.com/2...

    https://stuffcajunpeoplelike.files.wordpress.com/2008/05/squirrelincrosshairs1.jpg
  39. Thread: Leeds

    by Uncle Albert
    Replies
    14
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    555

    Perfect time to declare independence. ...

    Perfect time to declare independence.

    https://northernlifemagazine.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2019/04/Yorkshire-Independence-2.jpg
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    Thanks for linking to that. Jonathan Sumption...

    Thanks for linking to that. Jonathan Sumption speaks a lot of sense.
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    Then it depends on how much you invoiced them.

    Then it depends on how much you invoiced them.
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    331

    Great. We can skip 10 years of education and get...

    Great. We can skip 10 years of education and get them into "useful work" at Starbucks tomorrow.
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    992

    She's obviously not heard of The Specials ...

    She's obviously not heard of The Specials

    Ain't you heard of the starving millions
    Ain't you heard of contraception
    You really want a program of sterilization?
    Take control of the population...
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    221

    Looks like a kangaroo to me. I never believed...

    Looks like a kangaroo to me. I never believed that they only lived in Australia.
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    992

    He knew the salary when he applied for the job. ...

    He knew the salary when he applied for the job. Sue him for breach of contract.
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    211

    He gets around: Police find cash hidden...

    He gets around:

    Police find cash hidden between Bolsonaro ally's buttocks
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    1,849

    It seems to be a bit of a mix. According to this...

    It seems to be a bit of a mix. According to this page: Local lockdown rules: Check Covid restrictions in your area - BBC News Claygate is in the restricted zone but Epsom for example isn't.

    I'm...
  48. Thread: Iona

    by Uncle Albert
    Replies
    12
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    542

    Why on earth would anyone want to spend time on a...

    Why on earth would anyone want to spend time on a floating tower block with up to 7,000 other people?
  49. Replies
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    3,692

    If any government interns are reading this,...

    If any government interns are reading this, please get in touch as I can assure you that I can do this much better and almost certainly for less than you are paying AccentPwCTata for this.

    Oh,...
  50. Just watch out for the fight when the SNP try to...

    Just watch out for the fight when the SNP try to steal that blue. It'd be just like them to claim it as theirs.
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