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  1. Replies
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    You're only really turning into your dad when you...

    You're only really turning into your dad when you start lusting over the prospect of the upcoming XF estate...
  2. Thread: Supermarket fuel

    by landl
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    1,647

    ...could this be explained by the fact that...

    ...could this be explained by the fact that you're more likely to have a boot full of shopping and some passengers (not in the boot hopefully) when you're filling up at the supermarket...
  3. Thread: Supermarket fuel

    by landl
    Replies
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    1,647

    ...although this is just the result of some...

    ...although this is just the result of some clever manipulation of the ownership of the various elements of the supply chain to remove the visible profit from the retail layer...
  4. Sounds like they've just pumped you for a bit of...

    Sounds like they've just pumped you for a bit of free consultancy.
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    Oh, sorry. I thought that said ten reasons to...

    Oh, sorry.

    I thought that said ten reasons to never get a jab.
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    http://1.bp.blogspot.com/__achzrqWjHM/TLncgnt79lI/...

    http://1.bp.blogspot.com/__achzrqWjHM/TLncgnt79lI/AAAAAAAAAEQ/bj5BWtEoP18/s1600/HypodermicNeedle.jpg
  7. Replies
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    Plan B - Become a burglar

    Family arrested for defending their home from a gang of masked intruders and killing one of them.

    No word of police bothering to try arresting the rest of the burglary gang.

    What's the point...
  8. Thread: WTF?!

    by landl
    Replies
    12
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    1,289

    ...not many knockers on this site...

    ...not many knockers on this site...
  9. Imagine my surprise after filling the car up this...

    Imagine my surprise after filling the car up this morning when the chap at the till pronounced the word "gallon" as "litre" when telling me how much fuel I'd bought for £90.
  10. That's nothing. At least he has a spare kidney....

    That's nothing. At least he has a spare kidney.

    Around personal review time I see permies sell their souls for an average car and a mortgage.
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    So you're saying you can afford a nice watch or a...

    So you're saying you can afford a nice watch or a holiday, but not both? Interesting.

    Anyway, back on topic, if you want the best, get a Patek, but there are a lot of ugly ones. If you want good...
  12. Thread: Bank of Scotland

    by landl
    Replies
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    842

    Yes it's safe. It's absolutely safe, the safest...

    Yes it's safe. It's absolutely safe, the safest thing there's ever been.

    :cry3:
  13. Replies
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    Strangely fascinating video. For the first four...

    Strangely fascinating video. For the first four minutes I thought it was an extremely over-engineered dog bowl.
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    In my opinion, the last few posters are...

    In my opinion, the last few posters are worryingly un-stable.

    :igmc:
  15. Replies
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    This is no time to trot out a series of horse...

    This is no time to trot out a series of horse puns.
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    That's driven a coach and horses through their...

    That's driven a coach and horses through their customer service claims.
  17. Replies
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    Strange, I thought you might be more concerned...

    Strange, I thought you might be more concerned about the carbon footprint involved in purchasing items you don't need, what with us all melting around here.
  18. Thread: Phobias

    by landl
    Replies
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    3,535

    Self preservation?

    Self preservation?
  19. Replies
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    Yes. I think that covers it nicely.

    Yes. I think that covers it nicely.
  20. Thread: Ryan Giggs Outed

    by landl
    Replies
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    7,364

    I salute the brave moderators of this thread! ...

    I salute the brave moderators of this thread! God bless you and your unselfish fight for free speech! You laugh in the face of prison and fart in the general direction of potentially bankrupting...
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    Well, they walk a dangerous line between indexing...

    Well, they walk a dangerous line between indexing available web content and breaching any legal instrument that may or may not exist to hinder free speech, as do we all. The fact that I'm giving a...
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    I couldn't possibly comment....

    I couldn't possibly comment....
  23. Replies
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    599

    Initial revelations?

    Reliable yet adulterous numpty greatly irritates google globally. Surely footballers using courts knowingly exagerate deceptive immorality mischief of going elsewhere? Now to hope our masters allow...
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    That's totally immoral. She should have...

    That's totally immoral.

    She should have bought a ticket like the rest of us!
  25. Replies
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    There was an odd chap at a place I used to work...

    There was an odd chap at a place I used to work that was fired because he'd watch internet porn all day whilst playing with himself at his desk. Shame he didn't work at the IMF, he probably would've...
  26. Replies
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    I'm not a sockie, I'm a free man. Be seeing you.

    I'm not a sockie, I'm a free man. Be seeing you.
  27. Replies
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    I suppose it's better than taking your pony from...

    I suppose it's better than taking your pony from behind...
  28. Replies
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    Spanking your monkey on the train

    No, best not.
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    The station clerk was later quoted as saying to...

    The station clerk was later quoted as saying to the dissappointed aspiring passenger, "***** you and the horse you rode in on".
  30. Thread: Jacqui Weems

    by landl
    Replies
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    2,311

    ...depends on the Context...

    ...depends on the Context...
  31. All depends. If the value you place on your...

    All depends. If the value you place on your reputation is equivalent to a day's pay, go for it.
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    If you have enough time on your hands to want one...

    If you have enough time on your hands to want one of these, then you don't need to measure time this accurately.

    (I would like one though!)
  33. Replies
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    Steady on! There's no need to bring the stringed...

    Steady on! There's no need to bring the stringed instruments into it.
  34. Replies
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    I was thinking the same thing. Great idea...

    I was thinking the same thing. Great idea undermined by "let them eat cake" syndrome.
  35. Thread: Ebay bargain

    by landl
    Replies
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    2,091

    This is a really sad thread! However, as I'm...

    This is a really sad thread!

    However, as I'm here anyway, best bargain ever was a full set of hardly used Le Creuset pans for £30, because the lady who had them didn't like the colour (and I...
  36. Thread: Burial at Sea

    by landl
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    1,563

    The day they do that, pigs will fly... :igmc:

    The day they do that, pigs will fly...

    :igmc:
  37. Replies
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    Any raise on one out of four? :confused:

    Any raise on one out of four?

    :confused:
  38. Replies
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    I stand corrected. God it was then, or aliens....

    I stand corrected.

    God it was then, or aliens.

    Anyway, if the moon is hollow, it's simply more proof of global warming.
  39. Replies
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    Oh, and during the weekends, ensure that you're...

    Oh, and during the weekends, ensure that you're wearing jeans that don't actually cover your pants.
  40. Replies
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    Remember to not use correct grammar or spelling...

    Remember to not use correct grammar or spelling in emails, as this gives the game away.
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    I believe you'll find the answer to be, after...

    I believe you'll find the answer to be, after completing an especially nice piece of coastline around Finland, that Slarty Bardfast was most probably responsible for the moon.

    Next.
  42. Thread: Exercise

    by landl
    Replies
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    4,368

    Yes, agreed. 90 minutes of brisk walking a week...

    Yes, agreed. 90 minutes of brisk walking a week just sounds like the bare minimum to stop people setting root in the sofa to me.
  43. Replies
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    :laugh Now get your coat.

    :laugh

    Now get your coat.
  44. Nothing you'd understand, my dear friend. I...

    Nothing you'd understand, my dear friend. I would however suggest that you'd be more comfortable removing that hat.
  45. :laugh It is indeed a strange place here. ...

    :laugh

    It is indeed a strange place here. What is this fascination that people have about sockies?

    Anyway, back on topic, since I'm a cretin, and therefore wouldn't be able to study anything...
  46. Replies
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    The things people will do to avoid a tray...

    The things people will do to avoid a tray charge....

    ...that said, I used to soft boil eggs in a kettle which worked quite well.
  47. No. I think you'll find I'm actually a real...

    No. I think you'll find I'm actually a real person in my own right and not one of someone's multiple personalities.
  48. You know what, I can't even be bothered. Do...

    You know what, I can't even be bothered.

    Do give us a shout later though for a climate friendly wind-up torch if you get bored in the dark, and I'm sure someone will shove it up your ar5e so you...
  49. Replies
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    +1 for me too. Celebrated end of first year...

    +1 for me too. Celebrated end of first year exams at uni with five bottles in an hour followed by several hours learning to walk again. Wasn't in bad taste though, as I had one of each flavour.
    ...
  50. Replies
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    B0ll0cks. Oh sorry, I misheard. Testicles.

    B0ll0cks.

    Oh sorry, I misheard.

    Testicles.
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