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  1. Replies
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    Don't worry, we'll have a whip-round so we don't...

    Don't worry, we'll have a whip-round so we don't have to see your goolies. No need to thank us...
  2. Until we sank it...:smokin (It survived Pearl...

    Until we sank it...:smokin

    (It survived Pearl Harbour and was known as the luckiest ship in the US navy. Now famous as the only warship sunk by a nuclear submarine in combat).
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    Do we get a mention in the Dead Celebrities...

    Do we get a mention in the Dead Celebrities thread?
  4. Replies
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    Well done for taking the first step towards self...

    Well done for taking the first step towards self awareness...
  5. Thread: LBC ir35

    by Mordac
    Replies
    14
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    1,090

    Nobody mentioned the double NI payment under...

    Nobody mentioned the double NI payment under IR35. Just curious as to why. Censorship?
  6. A loan which was neither enforced nor fully...

    A loan which was neither enforced nor fully repaid. The only country which fully repaid US loans (under the Marshall Plan) dating back to WWII was the UK. Germany had a massive reduction granted in...
  7. Very nearly bankrupted us, in fact. We only...

    Very nearly bankrupted us, in fact. We only finished paying them off a few years ago. The hidden payment was giving up all of our existing colonies, which you may or may not see as a good...
  8. A Dutchman defending Germany. That's something...

    A Dutchman defending Germany. That's something you don't hear very often. If ever.
  9. Replies
    30
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    789

    No, it wasn't that (way too modern, and small)....

    No, it wasn't that (way too modern, and small). It would have been late 1992 or early 93. It was probably the previous version of this (closest I could find):
    ...
  10. Replies
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    789

    Youngster. This was my second phone. My first was...

    Youngster. This was my second phone. My first was a motorola flip thingy but I can't remember the model and thus I can't find a piccy of it.
    ...
  11. He was brilliant at running trains to Manchester...

    He was brilliant at running trains to Manchester and back. Oh, hang on...that's not right, is it...
  12. Replies
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    1,158

    Only if the mars bar wants to press charges...

    Only if the mars bar wants to press charges...
  13. I got 57. Does that mean I get a free flight to...

    I got 57. Does that mean I get a free flight to Jamaica? :yay:
  14. If only they gave out points for having a...

    If only they gave out points for having a sparkling personality...you'd have 63.5 :wink

    (Edit: You went the wrong way on the jam/cream question, didn't you...)
  15. Replies
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    261

    You'll be tracking the tracking threads then?...

    You'll be tracking the tracking threads then? :igmc:
  16. Thread: Yorkshire Tea

    by Mordac
    Replies
    32
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    700

    Waitrose dodged a bullet there. (It's their...

    Waitrose dodged a bullet there.

    (It's their skimmed milk he's using. Skimmed milk in tea? Disgusting.)

    :igmc:
  17. Replies
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    Thanks for answering your own question...:wink

    Thanks for answering your own question...:wink
  18. Replies
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    But there will be 347 adverts for Radio1, so...

    But there will be 347 adverts for Radio1, so that's nice...:eyes
  19. Thread: Greta Thunberg

    by Mordac
    Replies
    293
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    17,571

    And I doubt you ever will. That's what happens...

    And I doubt you ever will. That's what happens when you give a roomful of idiots a huge pot of money and 20 mins to decide how to spend it. Still, it'll make the travel news more interesting - "the...
  20. Replies
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    1,331

    Given that most of the music coming out of the EU...

    Given that most of the music coming out of the EU is utter crap, I'm not seeing much of a downside here...:violin:
  21. Replies
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    1,331

    Almost, as in 'you checked with local law...

    Almost, as in 'you checked with local law enforcement and decided 20-years to life in a Tennessee prison wasn't worth it'...?
  22. Replies
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    FTFY

    FTFY
  23. Replies
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    I see you have a very long memory...:wink

    I see you have a very long memory...:wink
  24. Thread: The Sun readers

    by Mordac
    Replies
    4
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    250

    130,000 of those are to be found somewhere in the...

    130,000 of those are to be found somewhere in the BBC...:igmc:

    It felt like that many, I can assure you. :eyes
  25. Replies
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    Don't worry, no-one else noticed. Apart from...

    Don't worry, no-one else noticed. Apart from girls, the only other peeps who acknowledge the existence of candles are smokers, who will always use a candle if available. I remember the days when one...
  26. Thread: The Sun readers

    by Mordac
    Replies
    4
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    250

    He's making a point about Sun readers, yet nobody...

    He's making a point about Sun readers, yet nobody reads the Sun. They just look at the pictures. I think he's saying sales went south when the pictures became 'less biologically interesting'...:igmc:
  27. Replies
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    He had enough problems finding the first one. She...

    He had enough problems finding the first one. She only swiped right by accident...:wink
  28. Replies
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    Wash all her white stuff at 90 degrees with at...

    Wash all her white stuff at 90 degrees with at least one red sock. You will be relieved of washing duties immediately and permanently. :D
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    Only if the police were called...:bluelight

    Only if the police were called...:bluelight
  30. Thread: Unemployed

    by Mordac
    Replies
    12
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    657

    I was planning to use a finger actually...

    I was planning to use a finger actually...
  31. Thread: ContractorUK

    by Mordac
    Replies
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    Only if the C is silent...

    Only if the C is silent...
  32. Replies
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    Can you leave Elland Road until after May, I'm...

    Can you leave Elland Road until after May, I'm quite enjoying watching history repeating itself...:smokin
  33. Replies
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    Joined Oct 2005. That's what I call a slow...

    Joined Oct 2005. That's what I call a slow burner. Can't be my sockie, I'd have forgotten the password. So go on, own up, which one of you was it?
  34. Replies
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    Very good. Your strategy of 'having no friends'...

    Very good. Your strategy of 'having no friends' looks like it's starting to pay off. Think of all the cash you'll be saving by not having to send cards to anyone...:wink
  35. Thread: ContractorUK

    by Mordac
    Replies
    15
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    692

    I assume you mean Bumpkin...?

    I assume you mean Bumpkin...?
  36. Replies
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    716

    A smokeless BBQ? I know you're a girl, but there...

    A smokeless BBQ? I know you're a girl, but there are rules about BBQs and you are supposed to observe them. One of the most important rules is that there should be so much smoke that one of your...
  37. Replies
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    But he's a Glaswegian, so he won't have to look...

    But he's a Glaswegian, so he won't have to look far to find something else to be miserable about...
  38. No, they said employees can't claim expenses for...

    No, they said employees can't claim expenses for meals which contain meat.
  39. Replies
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    You live in London, so your BBQ will be next....

    You live in London, so your BBQ will be next. You'll be allowed to own an electric one, but you won't be allowed to cook any meat on it. Just so you know...:tongue
  40. Replies
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    Really? I'll buy you a pint of whatever you run...

    Really? I'll buy you a pint of whatever you run on if that ever happens. Petrol, diesel and cider are quite easy. Fook knows where I'm going to get a pint of two-stroke though...
  41. Replies
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    Oh yeah, I forgot, in the Numptyworld we're going...

    Oh yeah, I forgot, in the Numptyworld we're going to ban all non-British artists from ever playing here. Only a total knobhead would even think that might happen.
  42. Replies
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    Makes you wonder how the 1960's ever happened. As...

    Makes you wonder how the 1960's ever happened. As in, when the Beatles managed to go to Hamburg before most people had ever heard of them. The biggest problem they had was George was underage, but...
  43. Thread: Vegans

    by Mordac
    Replies
    58
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    1,422

    Or cheesy. One can never tell until the dish...

    Or cheesy. One can never tell until the dish arrives...
  44. Thread: Vegans

    by Mordac
    Replies
    58
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    1,422

    I draw the line at eating their meat and two veg...

    I draw the line at eating their meat and two veg though...
  45. Replies
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    There's a mountain of paperwork regardless. TBH,...

    There's a mountain of paperwork regardless. TBH, there's a mountain of paperwork if they want to play Butlins in Bognor. I'm not seeing your actual point though?
  46. Replies
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    Now who's twisting? You previously said "most...

    Now who's twisting?
    You previously said "most shootings are carried out by far-right extremists" and I think we've established that is patently not true, even allowing for your convoluted...
  47. Replies
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    That seems to be the thread of most of your...

    That seems to be the thread of most of your arguments. Nasty white people shooting black people etc. And when you bring politics onto the table, it's all "I bet that white-supremacist neo-nazi ******...
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    Over qualified, I'd say... :igmc:

    Over qualified, I'd say...

    :igmc:
  49. Replies
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    1,419

    And the difference between them and Stalin is...?

    And the difference between them and Stalin is...?
  50. Replies
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    1,419

    He has even worse luck when it come to providing...

    He has even worse luck when it come to providing facts to back up some of his more outlandish suggestions. In 'the other place*' he'd call it "making stuff up while knowing it to be complete bollox"....
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