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  1. Replies
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    Which is why I've started to respond with "I'm...

    Which is why I've started to respond with "I'm considering retirement" (and at the rates I'm being quoted, my investments are making better money than me). I'm really considering retirement...
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    Luton sadly yes. Stansted thankfully no.

    Luton sadly yes. Stansted thankfully no.
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    Thanks for confirming. It was such a long time...

    Thanks for confirming. It was such a long time ago. The Empire State Building was lit up in blue for Sinatra's 80th birthday, that's how long ago it was. And I was horribly drunk on Mojitos (it...
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    Is that the one with the rotating bar at the top?

    Is that the one with the rotating bar at the top?
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    "He's not the Messiah, he's a very naughty boy"....

    "He's not the Messiah, he's a very naughty boy". Genius.

    Goodbye Mr Creosote. RIP.
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    I don't remember being particularly grumpy when I...

    I don't remember being particularly grumpy when I was 47.2. Then again, I don't remember being 47.2...:eek
  7. I'm sure the German tax authorities are crapping...

    I'm sure the German tax authorities are crapping themselves. Still, could be wurst...

    :igmc:
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    Surely that should be gammonbingo.com. You've...

    Surely that should be gammonbingo.com. You've learnt a new word, and well done for that, but the next step is knowing how and where to use it.
  9. Remind us again, how long have you been an idiot?

    Remind us again, how long have you been an idiot?
  10. Replies
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    It's been dyed blue and turned into a handbag?

    It's been dyed blue and turned into a handbag?
  11. Replies
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    Bears farting in the woods?

    Bears farting in the woods?
  12. Replies
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    A bunch of hypocrites attracting resentment?...

    A bunch of hypocrites attracting resentment? Who'd have thunk it...?
  13. Even the Iranian military have grasped the...

    Even the Iranian military have grasped the principle of "if at first you screw up big time, it's probably best not to do it again". I hear they are offering lessons...
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    But you're not 35. And even if you were, I...

    But you're not 35. And even if you were, I suspect your Gran wouldn't give much of a tulip either way...:wink
  15. Thread: Job Of The Day

    by Mordac
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    You'll get an ugly one. Mind you, so will...

    You'll get an ugly one. Mind you, so will they...:igmc:
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    Based on: They only have 20 days before...

    Based on:



    They only have 20 days before they run out of PE money. (And the only other place you see a bulltulip pitch like that is on week one of The Apprentice...)
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    Intransigent. And the alternative for 'wit' ends...

    Intransigent. And the alternative for 'wit' ends up as 'tulip' on here. :wink
  18. Replies
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    The Royals are not supposed to get involved with...

    The Royals are not supposed to get involved with politics. Unfortunately she seems to have forgotten she's no longer a Hollywood* actress**, and getting involved in a twatter spat with the US...
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    The world is full of Republics. I'm sure you can...

    The world is full of Republics. I'm sure you can find one which is more agreeable to you. If you can find one which doesn't have the internet yet, that would be just fine with us.

    :winker:
  20. Replies
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    Don't you mean 'send them back to Germany'? :wink

    Don't you mean 'send them back to Germany'? :wink
  21. Replies
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    I think your auto-correct might be broken...

    I think your auto-correct might be broken...
  22. JFDI. I'll probably have a whole chapter to...

    JFDI. I'll probably have a whole chapter to myself. MF, do the necessary...:smokin
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    That's because they both believe in a different...

    That's because they both believe in a different flavour of the same sky fairy. They're at war* with most of the rest of the Middle East as well, for the same reason. And they're very close to having...
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    Reacting to an attack by Iran on US territory...

    Reacting to an attack by Iran on US territory (their Embassy in Baghdad) by taking out one of the most dangerous men in the Middle East. If the Iranians were wondering whether he has a pair or not,...
  25. In that case I'm an Ethical Carnivore :laugh

    In that case I'm an Ethical Carnivore :laugh
  26. Thread: Worzel Gummidge

    by Mordac
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    If you want to admit to watching kids tv, that's...

    If you want to admit to watching kids tv, that's fine, but taking the pi$$ does not constitute becoming 'triggered'. I can forgive MF watching Worzel Gummidge, as he's MF's sartorial role...
  27. Thread: Worzel Gummidge

    by Mordac
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    You were the one who laughed your tits off....

    You were the one who laughed your tits off. Although the gingham dress might have had a bit to do with that...
  28. Thread: Worzel Gummidge

    by Mordac
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    More re-hashing of 1970's kids telly. 'PC and...

    More re-hashing of 1970's kids telly. 'PC and ecologically sound'? Don't make me :puke:
  29. Thread: Dr Who 2020

    by Mordac
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    Watching kids tv isn't cool, unless you're...

    Watching kids tv isn't cool, unless you're keeping your grandchildren entertained. Which just about gets you off the hook...:wink
  30. Replies
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    YouTube...

    YouTube

    What's my prize?

    :igmc:
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    That's classed as "cruel and unusual punishment"...

    That's classed as "cruel and unusual punishment" - have social services been alerted?
  32. Thread: Dr Who 2020

    by Mordac
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    I haven't watched it since I stopped being 12. Is...

    I haven't watched it since I stopped being 12. Is that Bradley Walsh in the photo btw?
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    He's gone to look that up in a dictionary...I...

    He's gone to look that up in a dictionary...I fear for any cats in his neighbourhood...:eek
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    It's the season of generosity and kindness. I...

    It's the season of generosity and kindness. I take it you didn't get the memo? :hug:
  35. 24 hour rule officially invoked, with a VAR...

    24 hour rule officially invoked, with a VAR intervention. You lose. In fact, everyone loses. It's a metaphor for life. Get over it.

    :tumble:
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    Apologies to NickFitz for suggesting he might be...

    Apologies to NickFitz for suggesting he might be a sad bastard. I had a different sad bastard in mind. I think the Russian should be drug tested for failing to win his own competition.
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    I'm off to the pub (later than planned) for some...

    I'm off to the pub (later than planned) for some rare late drinks and the fireworks on telly. Congratulations to whichever sad bastard wins this sad excuse for a contest.

    And a very Happy New Year...
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    I took a short gig for a recruitment company to...

    I took a short gig for a recruitment company to look after their Y2K issues. As luck would have it, they had no issues. Except the management were utter :winker:s and all the IT staff wanted to...
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    At least I get to do the Dilbert gags now... ...

    At least I get to do the Dilbert gags now...

    :yay:

    For that reason alone, so long, and thanks for all the gifs...

    :igmc:
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    I would definitely go for Vietnam (plenty of...

    I would definitely go for Vietnam (plenty of flights from Singapore) but it'll be the wet season - subject to global warming - and most likely very hot. We'll hopefully be doing that trip next year,...
  41. Thread: Anne Sacoolas

    by Mordac
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    It would actually be "causing death by dangerous...

    It would actually be "causing death by dangerous driving" which carries a maximum of 14 years.
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    So high standards shouldn't be a pre-requisite...

    So high standards shouldn't be a pre-requisite then...

    Although she's bi-sexual, so the more desperate among you might just look past the (looks like) silicon...:wink
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    We were all thinking it, fair play for saying...

    We were all thinking it, fair play for saying it...

    :igmc:
  44. Replies
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    Where's Mary Poppins when we really need her...?

    Where's Mary Poppins when we really need her...?
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    That's you deported then...:eek

    That's you deported then...:eek
  46. Replies
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    Rear Window - there was a time when it was on...

    Rear Window - there was a time when it was on every Xmas eve. I don't know if it's on this year, but if it is I'll definitely be watching. (I have it on DVD, so even if it isn't on TV, I'll watch it...
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    Poll: Rebecca Wrong-Daily? Tulipshow indeed...:eek

    Rebecca Wrong-Daily? Tulipshow indeed...:eek
  48. Thread: Bright Days

    by Mordac
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    Liverpool top of the League. Oh well, one can't...

    Liverpool top of the League. Oh well, one can't have everything...:(
  49. Thread: Dark Days...

    by Mordac
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    I initially thought this was a hoax of some sort,...

    I initially thought this was a hoax of some sort, but it quickly became clear it was anything but.
    My brother has been suffering depression, to the point he had to quit his job (a job he absolutely...
  50. We believe you...:wink

    We believe you...:wink
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