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  1. Understatement of the Year? :eek

    Understatement of the Year? :eek
  2. Replies
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    1,295

    Don't worry, you would have got a virtual...

    Don't worry, you would have got a virtual refund...eventually...
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    518

    You haven't seen the size of the potholes in...

    You haven't seen the size of the potholes in London, I take it. Some are the size of open-cast mines. 4wd is virtually a necessity. If it pisses off the Greens & Unlibundems so much the better...
    ...
  4. Will some of these do you? Campaign |...

    Will some of these do you?



    Campaign | Oceana Europe
    Supertrawlers ‘making a mockery’ of UK’s protected seas | Fishing | The Guardian



    (Underlined text is opinion)
  5. One of the many things "they voted for" was not...

    One of the many things "they voted for" was not to have to throw their catch overboard because EU 'factory boats' had hoovered up all the allocation for some species.
    Once we are finally out of the...
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    Maybe that's why they wanted to play at being...

    Maybe that's why they wanted to play at being sailors?
  7. Thread: Final DOOM

    by Mordac
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    294

    We should be fine for a while. I can't see the...

    We should be fine for a while. I can't see the Four Horseman arriving while we still have a 14 day quarantine policy in place...
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    The charges will probably be some variation of...

    The charges will probably be some variation of international piracy, so they'll be hanged at Wapping. Wishful thinking, obviously, but they should be looking at 20 years followed by deportation.
  9. Would that figure include penalties/interest?

    Would that figure include penalties/interest?
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    No, there are thousands of NHS senior managers &...

    No, there are thousands of NHS senior managers & chief executives various, all of which have a clearly defined job description such that none of them are actually responsible or accountable for...
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    Which happens to be next door to an excellent...

    Which happens to be next door to an excellent seafood restaurant with octopus on the lunch menu daily...:tongue
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    They were the dogs bollocks, they were... ...

    They were the dogs bollocks, they were...

    :igmc:
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    The bitter little racist who likes calling...

    The bitter little racist who likes calling everyone else a racist ought to be on your ignore list (he's on mine), but he's occasional comedy gold :laugh
  14. Thread: Give me five

    by Mordac
    Replies
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    345

    Because their senses are working overtime... ...

    Because their senses are working overtime...

    :igmc: :oldgit:
  15. Thread: Fo AtW Boom!

    by Mordac
    Replies
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    129

    How do we know it isn't... :tongue

    How do we know it isn't...



    :tongue
  16. Thread: Fo AtW Boom!

    by Mordac
    Replies
    3
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    129

    On reading the headline, I was wondering how a...

    On reading the headline, I was wondering how a team of drug traffickers had trained flying squirrels to deliver weed. :cool2:
    The story itself is somewhat disappointing...
    :igmc:
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    But none of them are interested in NLyUKs...

    But none of them are interested in NLyUKs used-undercrackers 'business'...
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    134

    That was always so going to happen...:rollin:

    That was always so going to happen...:rollin:
  19. Replies
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    265

    Silly sod forgot to put his mobile number on the...

    Silly sod forgot to put his mobile number on the card. :facepalm:
  20. Replies
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    288

    £80 and you don't get a certificate? :tantrum:

    £80 and you don't get a certificate? :tantrum:
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    771

    It would never have happened in Mother Russia....

    It would never have happened in Mother Russia. They all die quietly in their Dachas (with a little help from the KGB)...

    :suicide:
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    He doesn't pay for his accommodation, or utility...

    He doesn't pay for his accommodation, or utility bills. He'd probably be able to get by if he hadn't had so many extra-curricular children...
  23. Thread: My Lunch

    by Mordac
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    344

    You can have both...:happy ...

    You can have both...:happy

    https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn%3AANd9GcQbsCi81UP6sick0_VHZDkH9S4xuXu2KKBK5g&usqp=CAU
  24. Thread: PM: FAO Atw

    by Mordac
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    174

    It's missing something...crosshairs..?

    It's missing something...crosshairs..?
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    My local shop seems to have plenty. If SW London...

    My local shop seems to have plenty. If SW London is too far from you, they deliver free.
    Moores Cycles

    Just in time for another cold, wet, miserable winter...:ohwell
  26. Replies
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    Reverse cowgirl it is then...:tongue

    Reverse cowgirl it is then...:tongue
  27. Replies
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    1,383

    Save it. Work trips/client visits aren't...

    Save it.
    Work trips/client visits aren't affected, but if you want to see your friends*, they'll have to come to you.

    *Temptation resisted :D
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    :tumble:

    :tumble:
  29. Replies
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    I tried changing the order of the words, and...

    I tried changing the order of the words, and still nothing...:confused:
  30. Replies
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    Oh that hurts. :cry1:

    Oh that hurts. :cry1:
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    It clearly doesn't affect you (you ought to know...

    It clearly doesn't affect you (you ought to know if you live in a London Borough or Elmbridge) so why the need to play the idiot?
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    Your 'request' was somewhat 'unusual'...:eek

    Your 'request' was somewhat 'unusual'...:eek
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    Pubs are (generally) not the problem. Distancing,...

    Pubs are (generally) not the problem. Distancing, contact details, table service only etc are quite strictly enforced, from what I've seen.
    The problem is outside pubs, such as large house parties...
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    Apart from discouraging enterprise in the...

    Apart from discouraging enterprise in the Netherlands, the tax lawyers at Unilever should be able to find a way round it. They would probably need to retain a shell company in Rotterdam, making sure...
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    What he needs is a world-beating internet search...

    What he needs is a world-beating internet search engine...

    :bang:
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    I think it'll be many years before there is any...

    I think it'll be many years before there is any sort of queue at Heathrow (and you can make that 'never' if they fix those sodding machine-reader things).
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    You make it sound like my idea. So just to be...

    You make it sound like my idea. So just to be clear, it is a border, but it isn't?
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    So we'll be seeing 'Bienvenue en France*' signs...

    So we'll be seeing 'Bienvenue en France*' signs just past Maidstone, will we? There's a difference between an international border and a customs clearance facility, presumably designed for lorries,...
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    Inland, as in 'just like at Heathrow Airport'?

    Inland, as in 'just like at Heathrow Airport'?
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    Undertakers, you mean? It's not as if they have...

    Undertakers, you mean? It's not as if they have little else to do at the moment. Will they have this system at pedestrian crossings? Something else to keep the old folks locked up indoors for fear of...
  41. Thread: Long Brexit

    by Mordac
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    That's quite an assumption. And, as with all...

    That's quite an assumption. And, as with all blinkered assumptions, yours is wrong...:wink
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    Well, that was a waste of a non-disclosure...

    Well, that was a waste of a non-disclosure agreement...:wink
  43. Replies
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    One of those tales is actually true...:wink

    One of those tales is actually true...:wink
  44. Agreed, I've met him (James Earl Jones) and he...

    Agreed, I've met him (James Earl Jones) and he was very charming. :nerd2:
  45. Replies
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    I worked with him once. He had anger issues (I...

    I worked with him once. He had anger issues (I managed to tease them out of him :wink) but I wouldn't want him to find himself in trouble with a higher power. :bluelight
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    Just so you know, that won't help. :wink

    Just so you know, that won't help. :wink
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    I got this little lot, Sports and leisure...

    I got this little lot,

    Sports and leisure :rollin:
    Hospitality and food :eek
    Beauty and wellbeing :rollin:
    Animal care :eyes
    Computing, technical and digital :facepalm:
  48. Was in danger. Corbyn lost though. Phew...

    Was in danger. Corbyn lost though. Phew...
  49. Thread: Long Brexit

    by Mordac
    Replies
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    1,010

    Leave the country...oh, hang on...:igmc:

    Leave the country...oh, hang on...:igmc:
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    "Technically" not her fault, as all of of us real...

    "Technically" not her fault, as all of of us real techies know all too well (if someone is to blame, it will be someone so far removed from the actual coalface that she will have never even heard of...
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