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Has anyone else ever picked up the phone and dialled 666 to see if the beast answers? Just the usual "The number you have called has not been recognised" message. How disappointing.

I assume they change the swab.

Yeh, Think I'd rather have it up there than up me nose.

PS A swab I mean.

Think I've got some bits from my old Morris Minor in my shed. May come in handy.

I just use me compost heap. Can always dig up one of the dead prossies if I can't find a new one.

Yeh! If I was Baba Vanga and foreseen I wouldn't have me little van in time. There was summit she wanted at Dyas.

STILL no little van. Think this damn C* thing is making getting parts difficult. Won't be able to buy loony lady 1 a birthday present. Saved me a few quid, there's a plus side to everything!

Is there a sex version of the Olympics? Who can do the most....

Just discovered two hundred million votes for me in a waste tip in Blackburn. Legally I should be president.

Slightly more seriously it is odd how some species, like hedgehogs, are in decline while others flourish. If it's all about habitat loss etc. why are some species unaffected?

Why are our own species always in decline while these foreign invaders flourish? The obvious solution to wildlife loss is for every country to export their own species to a foreign country and take...

Still got one Majestic presence...

What? Oh sorry fell asleep. Awake now, what was I saying? Oh yes, in my opin.. snore...

Tastes are weird. Wonder if anyone has gone to hospital with their head stuck in their bum?

In my opin... Snore.

You should know!

Wow! Cheers Fizzy Knickers. TPD is better than Technical for techie tips.

PS Given all these new methods coming along maybe I won't bother with updates using latest methods as they will soon be...

Mmmm. Where's are the redirects that take you to bum related pages, whatever you type?

Mmmm. Where's are the thousands of redirects for bums?

Almost finished pissing about with website. Had one page where clear didn't work for some reason. Then discovered flexbox. Bah! Why didn't hadn't I found out about that before using a lot of...

I'm always losing things, lost a glove and glasses in the last week. Bit difficult to go to doctor at the moment, maybe send my hamster up there for a look.

PS Think I mentioned before, one of...

Ah, nice lickle sqwirrel!

What? We've overtaken the Russians?

Off for walk. Local again as still no van. Unlike you lot only had two short flurries of snow this morning but quite bright now. Serves yer right yer bluddy northerners.

Yeh, London is north.

Rarely have nightmares but had one last night where I was trapped in a small space. Felt a bit anxious when I woke up so went downstairs to watch TV for a bit. When I turned it on it was showing...

I breathe through a long tube with the end stuck in my underpants.

Apparently there was an exceptionally randy dinosaur species where the males were mostly gay - Tyranosorearse Rex.

Yeh. I always wanted legarms, another pair of limbs in the middle that you could use as legs, if walking on slippery surfaces say, or extra arms when doing DIY etc.

Shouldn't it be either ambassadors from individual nations OR an EU ambassador? It isn't usual for national groups to have ambassadors. Don't think we have NATO, UN etc ambassadors do we?

Maybe...

Darn it. Not got me little van back yet. Garage said the part they ordered hasn't turned up yet.

Loony lady 1 had to drive us to our walk place today. She drives like a snail, we always get a...

Gordoneo Bennuto! Getting a deluge of phoney emails. Must have come to top of pwned list again.

You may come back from the Chinese to find your flat is occupied by a sockie.

Finally got new version of tiny company website uploaded. Few things to do, nicer font etc, but works ok. We had a huge turnover of £5800 last year. Wow! Still, keeps the old brain going a bit.

Reminds me of Blair's views on migration from Eastern Europe in 2004. Actual numbers were a mere 20 times greater.

Funny coincidences. Simpsons episode tonight was partly about Mozart. I just started reading a book on him last night.

Lots of phoney phone calls in last couple of days from "BT" etc.

Let them have it if they give Melilla and Ceuta back to Morocco. F* hypocrites!

Constant nightmares involving BR* though!

I got up late due to falling asleep again. Gawd, my dreams involve social distancing. Thank heavens they never involved Br***.

My son used to make that sometimes. Miss it now he's moved out. Whatya mean I could make my own? Nah, I'm a lazy old git.

High time they stopped playing chess with black vs white pieces. Make them all brown!

Not what it says here:

• COVID-19 deaths per capita by country | Statista

Unless your figure, by "Weekly average", applies to a spike in the past few weeks? Doesn't say over what period.

Just got a Christmas card from my nephew in Milan. Daresay the usual *** on CUK would blame it on Br***.

Still not got me little van back. Loony lady 1 is giving me a lift to Sainsburies later.

Nah, thanks. Got plenty of my own.

Trust you to spoil a good silly thread atW.

Maybe, but it rather depends on how heavily China intends to crack down on rights.

Educated people whose contribution outweighs the strains on our housing, green spaces, utilities, roads etc are the migrants we do need but that is assured by strict immigration rules. Hong Kong may...

Insane. The last thing overcrowded Britain needs is another 2m people.

Debauchery is all online these days. A dogging site is now a dogging website.

Loony lady 2, who I haven't walked with for a while, spends much of her day just sitting in her car when she's not wandering around the village. Seems to hate being at home.

Quite slowly but yes. Second time in two years when I've just been at my front window by chance and seen someone carried out on a stretcher.