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  1. Replies
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    There are plenty of online calculators. Why not...

    There are plenty of online calculators. Why not try to find one?
  2. Replies
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    You missed out delusional.

    You missed out delusional.
  3. Replies
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    This one is the client, and is, in fact, a pretty...

    This one is the client, and is, in fact, a pretty good programmer.
  4. Replies
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    Good point, well presented.

    Good point, well presented.
  5. Oh dear. I've submitted expenses after year end....

    Oh dear. I've submitted expenses after year end. Company policies are made up. Debts owed are debts owed. Done it as permie and contractor. Mistakes happen. There are ways of dealing with it.
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    Oh dear. I think you need eye tests.

    Oh dear. I think you need eye tests.
  7. Replies
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    Do you think you might possibly translate the...

    Do you think you might possibly translate the yank jokes into real English.

    Why can’t you hear a psychiatrist using the toilet?
    Because the ‘p’ is silent.

    What do you get when cross a donkey...
  8. Replies
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    I named a variable irule once. And, well, to cut...

    I named a variable irule once. And, well, to cut a long story short, I became a moderator of CUK to indulge my megalomania.
  9. Replies
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    Yep. That one's from Sweden. And yes, you'll have...

    Yep. That one's from Sweden. And yes, you'll have fewer Eastern European gypsy gangs post brexit. But the local chaps will fill the gap.
  10. Sorry snowflake. Didn't mean to trigger you.

    Sorry snowflake. Didn't mean to trigger you.
  11. Replies
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    A 9 year-old Turkish girl in SW Germany was...

    A 9 year-old Turkish girl in SW Germany was punished at her school for speaking Turkish in the playground. The parents are considering taking legal action to overturn the rule on the grounds that it...
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    Too soon?

    Too soon?
  13. Replies
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    I just triggered a Millennial

    I suggested implementing GO TO functionality in the rule engine syntax we're developing.

    Off to the incinerator with me.
  14. Replies
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    That's what the CIA want you to think. ...

    That's what the CIA want you to think.


    Anyway, watching that footage, one thing is for certain. There is no way that incident should have ended with Floyd dying.
  15. Replies
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    Was Trump an intern for Clinton then?

    Was Trump an intern for Clinton then?
  16. Replies
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    656

    No. Surgeons where masks to avoid getting blood...

    No. Surgeons where masks to avoid getting blood or other liquids from the patients in their mouth or nose. Completely different purpose.

    But I still think it's not a bad idea to wear a mask, since...
  17. Replies
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    That is clear. I don't think that video provides...

    That is clear. I don't think that video provides any evidence in that direction.
  18. Replies
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    2,249

    It is a very distressing video of a man who is...

    It is a very distressing video of a man who is clearly having a severe panic attack - or rather, simply not behaving rationally. Since he repeatedly apologises and says "I didn't know", it seems...
  19. Yes, of course. Don't worry your pretty little...

    Yes, of course. Don't worry your pretty little head about it.
  20. Replies
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    402

    TV ratios don't really work for monitor usage....

    TV ratios don't really work for monitor usage. You want something wide, but not too high. See this tread: https://www.contractoruk.com/forums/technical/136067-new-monitors.html

    I bought, as...
  21. It's clear from the OP's question that this isn't...

    It's clear from the OP's question that this isn't the case. Any further comments on these lines will be removed.
  22. Yeah. Seems unlikely as that would mean you've...

    Yeah. Seems unlikely as that would mean you've started.
  23. 5...

    5...
  24. Replies
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    So, no change from usual then. Have you...

    So, no change from usual then. Have you considered showering maybe once a week - or oftener?
  25. As I've mentioned before, you've clearly be...

    As I've mentioned before, you've clearly be chosen for how well you fit into the culture.
  26. Replies
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    That's what the CIA want you to think.

    That's what the CIA want you to think.
  27. Replies
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    FTFTFY

    FTFY[/QUOTE]FTFTFY
  28. If they ask you which companies, you give the...

    If they ask you which companies, you give the name and number of the agency. Much fun to be had.
  29. Not me. I saw spitting image. I know he's an...

    Not me. I saw spitting image. I know he's an undead zombie.
  30. But you are the Vetran Wail Reporter. Anyway,...

    But you are the Vetran Wail Reporter. Anyway, nowadays I change the title to mock the OP. WTFH is beyond parody. I think he's admin's sockie. :ohwell
  31. Replies
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    So if you're a loony, you're more likely to get...

    So if you're a loony, you're more likely to get it bad. Whereas those who are robustly stable will just brush it off.

    My client (a pharma company) is offering coronavirus antibody tests to all...
  32. I just click on New Posts whenever I log in....

    I just click on New Posts whenever I log in. Couldn't care less which forum. Although I do tend to avoid this one. Unless there's an opportunity to wind up a Brexiter.
  33. Replies
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    Nope. In Switzerland to get a permanent residency...

    Nope. In Switzerland to get a permanent residency permit, you have to have at least A2 in the local language. In some cantons, it's higher than that.

    To get a job though, you'll have to speak some...
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    You have missed your vocation. Sheer brilliance....

    You have missed your vocation. Sheer brilliance. Especially the second one. More please.
  35. I've done an analysis of the stats of this forum....

    I've done an analysis of the stats of this forum.

    Whining about nasty remainers: 72.3%
    Complaining about Brexit: 28.6%
    Funny posts: 0.1%
  36. So what? Buy a mask making company, wear masks....

    So what? Buy a mask making company, wear masks. There's even less evidence that public mask wearing will increase the rates of infection. If it makes people happy, it's not exactly a massive...
  37. I suggest you go and watch the film "Idiocracy".

    I suggest you go and watch the film "Idiocracy".
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    More UTIs, cellulitis and folliculitis. For STDs,...

    More UTIs, cellulitis and folliculitis. For STDs, no difference.
  39. I think you're weird people who seem to give a...

    I think you're weird people who seem to give a toss.
  40. Don't be silly. It's all done by 5G.

    Don't be silly. It's all done by 5G.
  41. Replies
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    Thanks for the tip, but I'm back in civilisation...

    Thanks for the tip, but I'm back in civilisation now. :D
  42. Thread: Oi admin

    by NotAllThere
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    You could at least update your avatar.

    You could at least update your avatar.
  43. Replies
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    Went to the sauna earlier. In a 95°C sauna, there...

    Went to the sauna earlier. In a 95°C sauna, there were a few people wearing facemasks.
  44. Makes as much sense as: A free and independent...

    Makes as much sense as:

    A free and independent Brexit Britain could do without treatment from unelected doctors.
    A free and independent Brexit Britain could do without reports from unelected...
  45. It's a bit like when an astrologer tries to...

    It's a bit like when an astrologer tries to debate with an astronomer. The gap is so huge, that the latter naming the former a moron really is appropriate. I've told you a few times - stick to what...
  46. Right. But that doesn't mean that anyone...

    Right. But that doesn't mean that anyone pro-brexit is not left wing, nor that anyone anti-brexit is right wing. Unless you believe that since racists and bigots are more likely to be pro-brexit,...
  47. Right-wing academics are...

    <left logic on>Right-wing academics are self-evidently wrong, else they'd be left-wing. Therefore nothing they say has any value, which means this isn't a problem at all. Free speech isn't threatened...
  48. Replies
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    Silly. You're intimating that there's anyone left...

    Silly. You're intimating that there's anyone left in the UK who still has a brain.
  49. Replies
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    I went to the UK for a week. Hopefully didn't...

    I went to the UK for a week. Hopefully didn't catch anything.
  50. Is that what you call her? Hem hem...

    Is that what you call her? Hem hem...
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