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  1. A few hundred quid, that'll cheer him up no...

    A few hundred quid, that'll cheer him up no end...:laugh

    Edit: And that's only if the airline hasn't gone bust yet.
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    I couldn't have picked a worse time to turn 50,...

    I couldn't have picked a worse time to turn 50, you mean? :ohwell
  3. No, he definitely looks like a permie. One of...

    No, he definitely looks like a permie. One of those snidy PM types.
  4. Thread: Antibody tests

    by Mordac
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    878

    Steady on, he can barely control his bladder...

    Steady on, he can barely control his bladder...
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    In your opinion. In the real world, it's hardly...

    In your opinion. In the real world, it's hardly surprising there isn't mass testing for a virus that didn't exist 4 months ago. And since we're on lockdown, how do you propose testing everybody? Do...
  6. Thread: Project Fear

    by Mordac
    Replies
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    847

    They'll be too busy getting rid of all the...

    They'll be too busy getting rid of all the coal-fired power stations. One illusion you will have to put aside is that anyone thinks you are interesting.
  7. Thread: Project Fear

    by Mordac
    Replies
    37
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    847

    :winker: It would do you good to take your...

    :winker:

    It would do you good to take your head out of your arse for long enough to read something.
  8. Thread: Project Fear

    by Mordac
    Replies
    37
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    847

    Next year*, as well you know :spank:. Hence 'year...

    Next year*, as well you know :spank:. Hence 'year or so', while the politicians gauge the mood of the electorate.

    *October, usually, iirc?
  9. Thread: Project Fear

    by Mordac
    Replies
    37
    Views
    847

    We'll see whether German voters agree with you on...

    We'll see whether German voters agree with you on that. It's going to be an interesting year or so.
  10. The price imbalance means that unscrupulous...

    The price imbalance means that unscrupulous dealers are now selling flour cut with cocaine...

    :ohwell
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    Who the hell is this? And have you read some of...

    Who the hell is this? And have you read some of the replies? WTAF? :suicide:
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    Your client will have a process for this. It will...

    Your client will have a process for this. It will take slightly longer if the new role is somewhere other than MOD (e.g. FCO). Speak to your client in the first instance.
  13. Thread: Project Fear

    by Mordac
    Replies
    37
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    847

    The EU is itself at a crossroads. Germany will...

    The EU is itself at a crossroads. Germany will have to underwrite the catastrophic economic consequences of Covid19 in Italy and Spain. It will be the German electorate who will decide whether to...
  14. Any company with only one DR plan might as well...

    Any company with only one DR plan might as well burn it. That was my motto 20 years ago. I never expected to be proved so right though. :eek
  15. And if you're lucky, the worst thing you'll catch...

    And if you're lucky, the worst thing you'll catch is Covid-19...
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    She was brilliant in everything. :( RIP

    She was brilliant in everything. :( RIP
  17. Fish soup with croutons? Even I could do...

    Fish soup with croutons? Even I could do that...:eyes
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    Orange is the new brown? :igmc:

    Orange is the new brown?

    :igmc:
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    I was being ironic. I accept that Britain will...

    I was being ironic. I accept that Britain will never be self-sufficient while farming land is worth far more as building land, or as a solar farm. We will always need to import food, and anything the...
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    Britain can, as long as the Germans don't bring...

    Britain can, as long as the Germans don't bring their U-boats out of retirement.

    (Anyway, we have air-freight capability these days...)
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    Which is probably embedded in a wall...

    Which is probably embedded in a wall somewhere...:wink
  22. Thread: Titcam's back!

    by Mordac
    Replies
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    519

    If ever a thread was wholly undeserving of its...

    If ever a thread was wholly undeserving of its headline...:(
  23. Turn off mobile data when you go a-wandering....

    Turn off mobile data when you go a-wandering. Simples. Or leave your phone at home.

    Honestly, you lot. Call yourselves techies? :eyes
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    What could possibly go wrong...?

    What could possibly go wrong...?
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    You chump. I was referring to: by the...

    You chump. I was referring to:



    by the resident plastic. Hence the use of 'he' (Paddy) rather than 'you' (as in Woohoo.)
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    Sadly I think that will be the case for many....

    Sadly I think that will be the case for many. Best not to do anything that might put you in hospital. Cyclists should bear that in mind...
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    What a pity it makes no grammatical sense...

    What a pity it makes no grammatical sense whatsoever. I thought he was starting to learn, but that particular curve seems to have been flattened...
  28. Thread: Face masks

    by Mordac
    Replies
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    433

    Poll: So much so it appears to have reached your...

    So much so it appears to have reached your hands...:eek
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    'Recruitment guru'. Priceless :rollin:

    'Recruitment guru'.

    Priceless :rollin:
  30. Thread: Panic buying

    by Mordac
    Replies
    218
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    6,704

    About half of that is down to me and LM by the...

    About half of that is down to me and LM by the looks of it...:wink
  31. Thread: Job lot

    by Mordac
    Replies
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    278

    Lots of jobs that nobody will need for years, and...

    Lots of jobs that nobody will need for years, and quite a few that nobody ever needed in the first place. Best of luck with that one...
  32. 'According to one theory' use to mean 'according...

    'According to one theory' use to mean 'according to a bloke in the pub'. For obvious reasons, it now means 'according to someone on Twatter'...:ohwell
  33. Thread: Panic buying

    by Mordac
    Replies
    218
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    6,704

    I checked our old Ocado acct, in the hope of...

    I checked our old Ocado acct, in the hope of resurrecting it (reset pwd etd) and it turns out we opened it in 2009 using the wifes old email acct. So we're stuck in the infinite queue of new...
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    You're no fun, are you...?:wink

    You're no fun, are you...?:wink
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    I worked on a 'tech refresh' project for...

    I worked on a 'tech refresh' project for Railtrack 20 years ago and I still get asked about working on rail engineering projects to this day, mostly from the same few agencies. I imagine they will go...
  36. Thread: 60% LTV

    by Mordac
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    Which is what the rest of us would call a '3 car...

    Which is what the rest of us would call a '3 car garage'...:wink
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    I'll only believe it once Diane Abbot...

    I'll only believe it once Diane Abbot corroborates the numbers...:igmc:
  38. Thread: Panic buying

    by Mordac
    Replies
    218
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    6,704

    Or do what I do, and make Banana Coladas. You...

    Or do what I do, and make Banana Coladas. You need coconut milk (1 tin) and some white rum (as much as you like/need) and some over-ripe bananas. Throw in a blender with some ice, and some pineapple...
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    You can't even claim expenses to re-train as an...

    You can't even claim expenses to re-train as an umbrella maker. Ironic isn't it...
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    The local paper is saying cycling has been banned...

    The local paper is saying cycling has been banned in Richmond Park from today. :yay:
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    I thought you were too posh for Chelsea...:wink

    I thought you were too posh for Chelsea...:wink
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    This is General. If you choose to come unarmed,...

    This is General. If you choose to come unarmed, that's your call. Just saying...
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    How fortunate we all are that we will have to...

    How fortunate we all are that we will have to share the next few days, weeks, or God forbid, months in your exhalted company.

    *Sets alarm for whatever-o-clock your flamethrowers are all set...
  44. Really? No, genuinely, really? I know he has some...

    Really? No, genuinely, really? I know he has some land, but more than the Royals, are you absolutely sure?
  45. I'm planning on doing a public sector rant...

    I'm planning on doing a public sector rant tomorrow, it'll be based on my many tours of duty in the public sector over the last nearly 30 years, so make sure you tune in. We can have some fun....
  46. If he's earned it, I don't give a flying tulip how...

    If he's earned it, I don't give a flying tulip how he wants to spend it. It's not my decision, and thankfully, for now at least, it's not your decision either. And while you're holed up in Germanyland...
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    I'm surprised it hasn't stopped before now. It...

    I'm surprised it hasn't stopped before now. It only serves one purpose, that being that it's the most civilised way to travel from Waterloo to the O2. There's a bar on board. I probably don't need to...
  48. Yes, the 'complete knobhead' element didn't...

    Yes, the 'complete knobhead' element didn't escape me. Thank God he's an expat, is what I'm telling myself. If we ever re-open the borders, can we make some exceptions...:wink
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    If you genuinely need to travel around on the...

    If you genuinely need to travel around on the tube, you will. Very soon.
  50. Virgin looked after us when we were stranded in...

    Virgin looked after us when we were stranded in LA following 9/11. For that alone, I thank them. You're a bitter little man, and looking ever more little by the hour.
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