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  1. Replies
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    It would never have happened in Mother Russia....

    It would never have happened in Mother Russia. They all die quietly in their Dachas (with a little help from the KGB)...

    :suicide:
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    He doesn't pay for his accommodation, or utility...

    He doesn't pay for his accommodation, or utility bills. He'd probably be able to get by if he hadn't had so many extra-curricular children...
  3. Thread: My Lunch

    by Mordac
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    You can have both...:happy ...

    You can have both...:happy

    https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn%3AANd9GcQbsCi81UP6sick0_VHZDkH9S4xuXu2KKBK5g&usqp=CAU
  4. Thread: PM: FAO Atw

    by Mordac
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    It's missing something...crosshairs..?

    It's missing something...crosshairs..?
  5. Replies
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    My local shop seems to have plenty. If SW London...

    My local shop seems to have plenty. If SW London is too far from you, they deliver free.
    Moores Cycles

    Just in time for another cold, wet, miserable winter...:ohwell
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    Reverse cowgirl it is then...:tongue

    Reverse cowgirl it is then...:tongue
  7. Replies
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    Save it. Work trips/client visits aren't...

    Save it.
    Work trips/client visits aren't affected, but if you want to see your friends*, they'll have to come to you.

    *Temptation resisted :D
  8. Replies
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    :tumble:

    :tumble:
  9. Replies
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    I tried changing the order of the words, and...

    I tried changing the order of the words, and still nothing...:confused:
  10. Replies
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    Oh that hurts. :cry1:

    Oh that hurts. :cry1:
  11. Replies
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    It clearly doesn't affect you (you ought to know...

    It clearly doesn't affect you (you ought to know if you live in a London Borough or Elmbridge) so why the need to play the idiot?
  12. Replies
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    Your 'request' was somewhat 'unusual'...:eek

    Your 'request' was somewhat 'unusual'...:eek
  13. Replies
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    Pubs are (generally) not the problem. Distancing,...

    Pubs are (generally) not the problem. Distancing, contact details, table service only etc are quite strictly enforced, from what I've seen.
    The problem is outside pubs, such as large house parties...
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    Apart from discouraging enterprise in the...

    Apart from discouraging enterprise in the Netherlands, the tax lawyers at Unilever should be able to find a way round it. They would probably need to retain a shell company in Rotterdam, making sure...
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    What he needs is a world-beating internet search...

    What he needs is a world-beating internet search engine...

    :bang:
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    I think it'll be many years before there is any...

    I think it'll be many years before there is any sort of queue at Heathrow (and you can make that 'never' if they fix those sodding machine-reader things).
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    You make it sound like my idea. So just to be...

    You make it sound like my idea. So just to be clear, it is a border, but it isn't?
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    So we'll be seeing 'Bienvenue en France*' signs...

    So we'll be seeing 'Bienvenue en France*' signs just past Maidstone, will we? There's a difference between an international border and a customs clearance facility, presumably designed for lorries,...
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    Inland, as in 'just like at Heathrow Airport'?

    Inland, as in 'just like at Heathrow Airport'?
  20. Replies
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    Undertakers, you mean? It's not as if they have...

    Undertakers, you mean? It's not as if they have little else to do at the moment. Will they have this system at pedestrian crossings? Something else to keep the old folks locked up indoors for fear of...
  21. Thread: Long Brexit

    by Mordac
    Replies
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    That's quite an assumption. And, as with all...

    That's quite an assumption. And, as with all blinkered assumptions, yours is wrong...:wink
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    Well, that was a waste of a non-disclosure...

    Well, that was a waste of a non-disclosure agreement...:wink
  23. Replies
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    One of those tales is actually true...:wink

    One of those tales is actually true...:wink
  24. Agreed, I've met him (James Earl Jones) and he...

    Agreed, I've met him (James Earl Jones) and he was very charming. :nerd2:
  25. Replies
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    I worked with him once. He had anger issues (I...

    I worked with him once. He had anger issues (I managed to tease them out of him :wink) but I wouldn't want him to find himself in trouble with a higher power. :bluelight
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    Just so you know, that won't help. :wink

    Just so you know, that won't help. :wink
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    I got this little lot, Sports and leisure...

    I got this little lot,

    Sports and leisure :rollin:
    Hospitality and food :eek
    Beauty and wellbeing :rollin:
    Animal care :eyes
    Computing, technical and digital :facepalm:
  28. Was in danger. Corbyn lost though. Phew...

    Was in danger. Corbyn lost though. Phew...
  29. Thread: Long Brexit

    by Mordac
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    Leave the country...oh, hang on...:igmc:

    Leave the country...oh, hang on...:igmc:
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    "Technically" not her fault, as all of of us real...

    "Technically" not her fault, as all of of us real techies know all too well (if someone is to blame, it will be someone so far removed from the actual coalface that she will have never even heard of...
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    I'm guessing Ebola would be one...

    I'm guessing Ebola would be one...
  32. I think Owly was looking for porn, rather than...

    I think Owly was looking for porn, rather than Proust...:freaky:
  33. Thread: EU Office

    by Mordac
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    How many generations are you going back...?

    How many generations are you going back...?
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    I hope Matt is monetising his idea, e.g. if you...

    I hope Matt is monetising his idea, e.g. if you enter a Northern postcode you will be directed to a local funeral directors with a view to taking out a plan. If not, he's missed a trick, and probably...
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    There are probably easier ways to be £9bn in...

    There are probably easier ways to be £9bn in debt, but don't let that put you off...
  36. Thread: Spreadsheets

    by Mordac
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    Do you have terrible halitosis?

    Do you have terrible halitosis?
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    You do know it's a pork product, I take it?...

    You do know it's a pork product, I take it? :winker:
  38. Thread: Spreadsheets

    by Mordac
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    Death is way too good for them...:bang:

    Death is way too good for them...:bang:
  39. Thread: Spreadsheets

    by Mordac
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    Or "the algorithm"... :igmc:

    Or "the algorithm"...

    :igmc:
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    ...says the anti-semite...:laugh

    ...says the anti-semite...:laugh
  41. Thread: Spreadsheets

    by Mordac
    Replies
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    2,390

    Picnic, again. More accurately, the chair...

    Picnic, again. More accurately, the chair occupied by the idiot running this sh!t-shower, for whom losing data seems to be something of a speciality.
    If the entire Covid strategy of the nation...
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    Try Everyman, if you have one locally. Comfy...

    Try Everyman, if you have one locally. Comfy sofa-style seats, and you can have a proper drink, rather than some fizzy, sugary crap. If you order food at the bar, they bring food to your table....
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    But not a fully equipped mortuary... :igmc:

    But not a fully equipped mortuary...

    :igmc:
  44. Thread: That MP

    by Mordac
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    I don't think fines were an option in April. And...

    I don't think fines were an option in April. And since he's a national hero, there'd have been a whip-round for him anyway. Now stop being a tedious twat...:wave:
  45. Thread: That MP

    by Mordac
    Replies
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    484

    Don't they have an offence of 'reckless conduct'...

    Don't they have an offence of 'reckless conduct' (or something similar) in Scotland, which could involve jail time?
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    Probably just a bang on the head...:wink

    Probably just a bang on the head...:wink
  47. We could start by teaching the difference between...

    We could start by teaching the difference between red and green...:smokin
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    Have we done this? I didn't see it... /Wenger...

    Have we done this? I didn't see it... /Wenger Mode

    :igmc:
  49. Don't get too excited, I think you'll find it...

    Don't get too excited, I think you'll find it hates everyone. :wink
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    Subway bread isn't bread, say the Irish

    It sounds like a joke, but isn't. Apparently it has too much sugar in it. :eek
    Irish court rules Subway bread is not bread | World news | The Guardian
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