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    Orange is the new brown? :igmc:

    Orange is the new brown?

    :igmc:
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    I was being ironic. I accept that Britain will...

    I was being ironic. I accept that Britain will never be self-sufficient while farming land is worth far more as building land, or as a solar farm. We will always need to import food, and anything the...
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    Britain can, as long as the Germans don't bring...

    Britain can, as long as the Germans don't bring their U-boats out of retirement.

    (Anyway, we have air-freight capability these days...)
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    Which is probably embedded in a wall...

    Which is probably embedded in a wall somewhere...:wink
  5. Thread: Titcam's back!

    by Mordac
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    If ever a thread was wholly undeserving of its...

    If ever a thread was wholly undeserving of its headline...:(
  6. Turn off mobile data when you go a-wandering....

    Turn off mobile data when you go a-wandering. Simples. Or leave your phone at home.

    Honestly, you lot. Call yourselves techies? :eyes
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    What could possibly go wrong...?

    What could possibly go wrong...?
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    You chump. I was referring to: by the...

    You chump. I was referring to:



    by the resident plastic. Hence the use of 'he' (Paddy) rather than 'you' (as in Woohoo.)
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    Sadly I think that will be the case for many....

    Sadly I think that will be the case for many. Best not to do anything that might put you in hospital. Cyclists should bear that in mind...
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    What a pity it makes no grammatical sense...

    What a pity it makes no grammatical sense whatsoever. I thought he was starting to learn, but that particular curve seems to have been flattened...
  11. Thread: Face masks

    by Mordac
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    Poll: So much so it appears to have reached your...

    So much so it appears to have reached your hands...:eek
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    'Recruitment guru'. Priceless :rollin:

    'Recruitment guru'.

    Priceless :rollin:
  13. Thread: Panic buying

    by Mordac
    Replies
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    6,585

    About half of that is down to me and LM by the...

    About half of that is down to me and LM by the looks of it...:wink
  14. Thread: Job lot

    by Mordac
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    Lots of jobs that nobody will need for years, and...

    Lots of jobs that nobody will need for years, and quite a few that nobody ever needed in the first place. Best of luck with that one...
  15. 'According to one theory' use to mean 'according...

    'According to one theory' use to mean 'according to a bloke in the pub'. For obvious reasons, it now means 'according to someone on Twatter'...:ohwell
  16. Thread: Panic buying

    by Mordac
    Replies
    218
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    6,585

    I checked our old Ocado acct, in the hope of...

    I checked our old Ocado acct, in the hope of resurrecting it (reset pwd etd) and it turns out we opened it in 2009 using the wifes old email acct. So we're stuck in the infinite queue of new...
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    You're no fun, are you...?:wink

    You're no fun, are you...?:wink
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    I worked on a 'tech refresh' project for...

    I worked on a 'tech refresh' project for Railtrack 20 years ago and I still get asked about working on rail engineering projects to this day, mostly from the same few agencies. I imagine they will go...
  19. Thread: 60% LTV

    by Mordac
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    Which is what the rest of us would call a '3 car...

    Which is what the rest of us would call a '3 car garage'...:wink
  20. Replies
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    I'll only believe it once Diane Abbot...

    I'll only believe it once Diane Abbot corroborates the numbers...:igmc:
  21. Thread: Panic buying

    by Mordac
    Replies
    218
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    6,585

    Or do what I do, and make Banana Coladas. You...

    Or do what I do, and make Banana Coladas. You need coconut milk (1 tin) and some white rum (as much as you like/need) and some over-ripe bananas. Throw in a blender with some ice, and some pineapple...
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    You can't even claim expenses to re-train as an...

    You can't even claim expenses to re-train as an umbrella maker. Ironic isn't it...
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    The local paper is saying cycling has been banned...

    The local paper is saying cycling has been banned in Richmond Park from today. :yay:
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    I thought you were too posh for Chelsea...:wink

    I thought you were too posh for Chelsea...:wink
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    This is General. If you choose to come unarmed,...

    This is General. If you choose to come unarmed, that's your call. Just saying...
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    How fortunate we all are that we will have to...

    How fortunate we all are that we will have to share the next few days, weeks, or God forbid, months in your exhalted company.

    *Sets alarm for whatever-o-clock your flamethrowers are all set...
  27. Really? No, genuinely, really? I know he has some...

    Really? No, genuinely, really? I know he has some land, but more than the Royals, are you absolutely sure?
  28. I'm planning on doing a public sector rant...

    I'm planning on doing a public sector rant tomorrow, it'll be based on my many tours of duty in the public sector over the last nearly 30 years, so make sure you tune in. We can have some fun....
  29. If he's earned it, I don't give a flying tulip how...

    If he's earned it, I don't give a flying tulip how he wants to spend it. It's not my decision, and thankfully, for now at least, it's not your decision either. And while you're holed up in Germanyland...
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    I'm surprised it hasn't stopped before now. It...

    I'm surprised it hasn't stopped before now. It only serves one purpose, that being that it's the most civilised way to travel from Waterloo to the O2. There's a bar on board. I probably don't need to...
  31. Yes, the 'complete knobhead' element didn't...

    Yes, the 'complete knobhead' element didn't escape me. Thank God he's an expat, is what I'm telling myself. If we ever re-open the borders, can we make some exceptions...:wink
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    If you genuinely need to travel around on the...

    If you genuinely need to travel around on the tube, you will. Very soon.
  33. Virgin looked after us when we were stranded in...

    Virgin looked after us when we were stranded in LA following 9/11. For that alone, I thank them. You're a bitter little man, and looking ever more little by the hour.
  34. They'll need to clean it up first. Even the dead...

    They'll need to clean it up first. Even the dead have certain standards...:suicide:

    Edit: It might just help their Tripadvisor rating though, so every cloud, and all that...
  35. I'll stick my neck out and say that has dropped...

    I'll stick my neck out and say that has dropped to zero. And I mean zero on the Kelvin scale.
  36. Oh I dunno. Opens up a whole new fetish market...

    Oh I dunno. Opens up a whole new fetish market that wasn't catered for before...

    :igmc:
  37. Thread: Weekend plans

    by Mordac
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    If we pray really hard, will they let you in?...

    If we pray really hard, will they let you in? Let's hope so...:wave:
  38. Thread: No more parties

    by Mordac
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    They're only vulnerable BECAUSE they are related...

    They're only vulnerable BECAUSE they are related to them.
  39. Thread: No more parties

    by Mordac
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    Do you mind stopping off at mine on the way? I'm...

    Do you mind stopping off at mine on the way? I'm running low. I can promise no physical contact. Although even if there wasn't a virus crisis I probably wouldn't want to go near you...:wink
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    But not a very good one. A Dead Parody, of the...

    But not a very good one. A Dead Parody, of the Norwegian Blue variety, so to speak...
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    BTP are stopping people at some London stations...

    BTP are stopping people at some London stations to verify whether they should be travelling. Staff ID should suffice (if it's obvious you work for a well-known organisation like the NHS or a local...
  42. Thread: Weekend plans

    by Mordac
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    Your spellchecker is deffo broken Alf. ...

    Your spellchecker is deffo broken Alf.

    Meanwhile, football is returning to our screens. ITV are apparently screening the whole of Euro96. Every match. You might want to look out for the...
  43. Thread: Self Employed

    by Mordac
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    And anyone who's earned more than £50k in any of...

    And anyone who's earned more than £50k in any of the last 3 years gets feck all anyway*. I'm pretty sure that catches just about everyone on here. :eyes

    *Or have I misunderstood that?
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    Have you considered how you're going to break the...

    Have you considered how you're going to break the news to her? Top tip, don't tell her in the kitchen, there'll be a lot of knives to hand...:wink
  45. It is a bit like choosing whether to be shot or...

    It is a bit like choosing whether to be shot or stabbed, I'll admit, but I'll take Boris over Korbyn.
  46. Thread: No more parties

    by Mordac
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    Why is it that weapons-grade bell-ends like this...

    Why is it that weapons-grade bell-ends like this can have immunity from being identified, but someone accused (but not yet convicted) of a serious offence can't?

    I'm adding this to my List Of...
  47. Absolutely this. Somebody had to be in the...

    Absolutely this. Somebody had to be in the hot-seat when this all kicked off, and I'm hugely relieved it's not Korbyn.
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    Oh, is that what it was? :tumble:

    Oh, is that what it was? :tumble:
  49. Thread: Weekend plans

    by Mordac
    Replies
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    She never paid me. :emb

    She never paid me. :emb
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    Can't believe no-one's mentioned Stairway to...

    Can't believe no-one's mentioned Stairway to Heaven.
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