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A hilarious Microsoft training video featuring comedy duo Ricky Gervais, star of The Office, and Stephen Merchant, the hit TV show’s writer, has mysteriously found its way onto YouTube. Until yesterday the video website showcased four clips, in the style of the BBC sitcom, which Gervais and Merchant made for Microsoft only on the grounds they would never be made public. The clips, seen by Contractor UK, are edits from two training videos filmed in 2004, which Microsoft yesterday said were intended as a way to show their ICT staff "what not do in the workplace." The software company has launched an investigation to determine how the footage - The Office Values, which reportedly netted each comedian a six-figure sum, ended up on the Internet. “The two videos that Ricky and Stephen recorded for us in 2004 were a light-hearted way of getting our staff to think about the values they attach to working at Microsoft,” a spokesperson said. “- And, through the character of David Brent, illustrate what not to do in the workplace. We are actively working to investigate how and why they have appeared now.” Among the priceless sound-bites Gervais, as David Brent who visits Microsoft’s UK offices for an interview by an employee, played by Merchant, opens with the greeting, “Hello Microsoft dudes.” “I’m not going to sell you the normal management bullshit,” Brent says. He then descends into toe-curling phrases, seemingly polished for the business world, but in essence; nonsensical and suicidal for interview. “Don’t trust anyone in business, it’s dangerous,” he exclaims. He continues that after meeting staff in the workplace, “You get to know the ones with good ideas and eventually sack those…with the rubbish ideas.” Without invitation, Brent offers himself up as managing director of Microsoft but explains he’ll need “Forty grand, maybe fifty,” to do the job. The role would, in effect, replace “Sir William of Gates,” – Brent’s name for the Microsoft founder, whom he says is so unreachable that Microsoft staff would find it easier trying to speak to “Osama Bin Laden.” “Would I get a company car?” Brent quips, “because if I was to going to be the figurehead of Microsoft I need something to reflect that, like a new Mondeo.” The ‘what not to do’ element at Microsoft comes alive when Brent is asked how he rates the importance of keeping a constant free-flow of ideas in corporates. “If you are one of the people with good ideas – keep schtum,” he advises the stone-faced interviewer, Stephen Merchant. “Why give them away? Again; I don’t think Gates made his billions by putting his hand up to his boss in the early days and saying, ‘err boss I’ve got a brilliant idea, I’d like to see every home and office with a computer.'” Brent, as the boss, self-replies: “Oh brilliant idea Gates! Kerching! Now get back to work, you little nerd!” Stealing the interviewer’s role, Brent then inquires whether the software company is developing “anything like a Robocop,” but “boffins” – MS engineers, should not to work to hard, because “too much thinking makes Jack a mental case.” “Yeah that’s what drove Stephen Hawkings [sic] mad – too much thinking,” the MS-commissioned video states. Brent says he really hates sexism in the workplace. Then he says: “If you are a woman in power wear a skirt; wear a short skirt if you want, and go, ‘I’m an executive - I know there are lovely lady legs down there [pointing] but don’t look at them, look at my mind.” Confused about what happens at Microsoft’s Bump Club, Brent says staff can ‘have all the sex they want as long as it’s after five-thirty,’ and - as long as they don’t arrive the next day “fatigued through intercourse.” In his character’s uniquely incompetent style, Brent goes onto to fudge a question about how workers at Microsoft UK should build their careers. “If you are looking for another job, use all your time at Microsoft to find that job. Spend all your time emailing loads of employers…saying I’m sick here at Microsoft it does my head in, all they talk about is values, let me get a better job.” Asked by the MS interviewer about people he admires, Brent eventually replies “Nelson Mandela,” ‘because after 30 years in prison he hasn’t re-offended.’ Residential corporate events and training schemes come highly recommended, the Slough CEO advises, because you can “chat up other bosses over a few beers.” The clips have now been taken down from YouTube. In their place, a message reads: “This video has been removed at the request of copyright owner Microsoft because its content was used without permission.” Meanwhile a spokeswoman for Gervais reportedly said the videos were intended only for private use by Microsoft because a wider release would unfairly raise false hopes. She told The Times: “We don’t want people to think that David Brent is coming back.” Aug 25, 2006 Email this article Printer friendly page Previous Page
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