Kids and Death

[PerfectStorm]

Treat it like a wedding. If the kids don't have a mature and emotional desire to be there, don't bring them.

I would suggest that this possibly means kids below 14/15 probably wouldn't be suitable.

[WTFH]

If the ex is adamant that the kids go then let her take them. It's a stressful time for everyone and if that's how she wants to deal with it, I'd let her.
If she's just doing it because she is trying to be nasty to you, again, let her do it. It says more about her than it does you.


I'd give the kids the option but not force them either way.

[northernladuk]

Tough call and am glad it's not one I had to make with kids that age. Last funeral I went to one of the grandkids about the same age played up, talking the minutes silence eventually throwing a bit of a paddy towards the end earning plenty of disapproving glances. The parents were so embarrassed they didn't come to the wake for long which was a shame. It was the topic for debate at the wake and everyone knew kids are kids but it was a little uncomfortable. I do think you have to think about others as well when you make the decision.

[cailin maith]

Funerals and wakes should be a celebration of life not just mourning the passing of a loved one.

I dunno if it's just the Irish but we went to every single funeral from when we were tiny, everyone does. Mind you funerals are still massive affairs in Ireland - I know it's quite different here.

I absolutely would take Junior if it was one of my relatives. If he played up in the Church then I'd take him outside to deal with it not just sit through the embarrassment. We go to mass regularly though so he gets that he has to be good while we are in there, it's probably different for other kids not used to the environment etc.

[d000hg]

I would keep it light, like they've gone to heaven to be with Jesus. Always liked how Islam puts a positive spin on Death by saying you'll have lots of virgins waiting for you. Obviously written by a man.

Sharing a religious view you don't actually believe sounds like a recipe for disaster.

I don't think there's anything wrong with kids knowing people die so for me the logistics would be the issue. You're presumably going to be pretty broken up about it yourself and might struggle to look after them, and prefer to be able to focus on it for yourself.

It perhaps depends how well you think you'll cope and how close the kids are to the relative in question but I don't think there's any definite wrong answer.

[SimonMac]

Funerals and wakes should be a celebration of life not just mourning the passing of a loved one.

I dunno if it's just the Irish but we went to every single funeral from when we were tiny, everyone does. Mind you funerals are still massive affairs in Ireland - I know it's quite different here.

I absolutely would take Junior if it was one of my relatives. If he played up in the Church then I'd take him outside to deal with it not just sit through the embarrassment. We go to mass regularly though so he gets that he has to be good while we are in there, it's probably different for other kids not used to the environment etc.

It will be an Irish funeral

I guess there will be plenty of family members to help out if the youngest does play up

[cailin maith]

It will be an Irish funeral

I guess there will be plenty of family members to help out if the youngest does play up

In which case, don't stress, it'll be fine

And, sorry to hear about it. Even when you are expecting it to happen, it can still be tulipty

[I just need to test it]

I've been to one Irish funeral (heart attack, aged 44). His Irish sisters and nieces howled like banshees throughout. It was bleedin terrible. Open casket too, which certainly added to the distress for a few who hadn't been expecting it.

My mum lost her dad when she was 12. Her mum forced her to go to the funeral and it proper messed her up. Consequently when my dad died (I was ten) my mum was adamant I should not go to the funeral. And I am really thankful. All those grave dark-suited unfamiliar people, a church, hymns, my dad's coffin. Sod that.

First funeral was my grandmother when I was 17. That was "fine". Ban kids from funerals, say I.

[MyUserName]

Sharing a religious view you don't actually believe sounds like a recipe for disaster.

Why? I let them believe in Father Christmas and the tooth fairy etc. This is just something else they can believe in so they do not have to worry.

I don't think there's anything wrong with kids knowing people die so for me the logistics would be the issue.

Very high risk strategy. If my 6 and 4 year olds realized the full facts about death they are likely to worry about Mrs MUN and me dying whenever we are not within eyesight. They do not have the experience or thought processes to understand the scale of facts. If they asked "how do you know you are not going to die on the way to work?" I would struggle to give an answer that reassures them. They do not really understand probability etc. There is a chance that they would take it in their stride but there is a good chance it will worry them and cause a lot of anxiety.

[oracleslave]

Probably bucking the trend but I wouldn't let my kids (aged 9 and 3) near a funeral. I can understand funerals as part of a grieving process for adults but I don't see how it's helpful for young kids.