New Demanding and Arrogant Contract BA at Client Co

[ContractorScum]

Generally BAs mince in thinking they are the dogs bollocks.

Then they meet me.

Firstly, a male BA is not doing a mans job. I call them my little fact finders. It's a job that is being Folded back into a developer role as a task. It's a task, not a career. This person is a parasite feeding off me. That's my psychological starting position.

Secondly, I give everyone the same chance- I assume they can perform at the level they pitch at. If I see they can't and it's not impacting me, they simply fall off my radar and I never ask them a question again. If they are good but not impacting me (unlikely) then I will occasionally run stuff by them- this very rarely happens. If they're tulip and it's impacting me then I remove them so i can solve the hard Problems and deliver stuff that works. I remove them in a number of ways. First, identify who is the BAs paymaster- it will be a PM or a business person. Then at the right time, I take the BA on in front of the paymaster, on a topic the BA should know- and I use *my* analysis skills to crush them in an analysis. I basically give them a lesson in critical thinking in front of their boyz. Once it's established that they are mediocre I ask what their expertise is in- and then I ask questions targeted at exposing bull and relegating the fake BA to my test bitch.

Thirdly, they need to realise I can do their job better than them. But they cannot do my job. So I like to bring them into my world with "how would you like it to work", "how should it work", "how have you seen it working in other shops"... This always puts them on the back foot because most have only touched the edges of complexity.

Fourthly, I force accountability on them. If You said you would do X and you didn't , if that impacts me then you will know about it. But I'll be all matey with you and then send out a group email pointing out the problems you caused me - without mentioning names - then I'll be all matey afterwards. They won't know which way is up.

I love working in investment banks. It's dog eat dog. Survival of the fittest.

You sound like an awful person to work with

[northernladyuk]

Generally BAs mince in thinking they are the dogs bollocks.

Then they meet me.

Firstly, a male BA is not doing a mans job. I call them my little fact finders. It's a job that is being Folded back into a developer role as a task. It's a task, not a career. This person is a parasite feeding off me. That's my psychological starting position.

Secondly, I give everyone the same chance- I assume they can perform at the level they pitch at. If I see they can't and it's not impacting me, they simply fall off my radar and I never ask them a question again. If they are good but not impacting me (unlikely) then I will occasionally run stuff by them- this very rarely happens. If they're tulip and it's impacting me then I remove them so i can solve the hard Problems and deliver stuff that works. I remove them in a number of ways. First, identify who is the BAs paymaster- it will be a PM or a business person. Then at the right time, I take the BA on in front of the paymaster, on a topic the BA should know- and I use *my* analysis skills to crush them in an analysis. I basically give them a lesson in critical thinking in front of their boyz. Once it's established that they are mediocre I ask what their expertise is in- and then I ask questions targeted at exposing bull and relegating the fake BA to my test bitch.

Thirdly, they need to realise I can do their job better than them. But they cannot do my job. So I like to bring them into my world with "how would you like it to work", "how should it work", "how have you seen it working in other shops"... This always puts them on the back foot because most have only touched the edges of complexity.

Fourthly, I force accountability on them. If You said you would do X and you didn't , if that impacts me then you will know about it. But I'll be all matey with you and then send out a group email pointing out the problems you caused me - without mentioning names - then I'll be all matey afterwards. They won't know which way is up.

I love working in investment banks. It's dog eat dog. Survival of the fittest.

So reading between the lines: the BA swans into the room and gives you a spec; you can't meet him in the eye so fawn embarrassingly over him; you choke on his pole in front of the PM when you fail to deliver; you then impotently project your Walter Mitty fantasy on a contractor forum.

[Fronttoback]

You sound like an awful person to work with

Is that all you have got? Not even a full stop!

You read my pedagogical 40 lines and came up with one half a line?

Are you a BA?

[Fronttoback]

So reading between the lines: the BA swans into the room and gives you a spec; you can't meet him in the eye so fawn embarrassingly over him; you choke on his pole in front of the PM when you fail to deliver; you then impotently project your Walter Mitty fantasy on a contractor forum.

You've misread between the lines. I am whatever I say I am, and if I wasn't then why would I say I am?

You see, many years ago I benefitted from mind expansion through limited use of recreational drugs (yes, despite what The Sun will tell you - limited use of drugs *can* be a good thing in the hands of educated people). And through this I left most of my ego behind. So, I don't need to boost my ego on an anonymous website.

What an anonymous website can do for me, is it allows me to communicate at a higher level of consciousness than in a professional setting. I could not say to my colleagues what I have explained to you here. I'm not making this stuff up- I am posting it so you know how things are working. I hope to learn something from others too.

I'm just here to learn, and to have a laugh. But believe me, I don't make things up. Why would I?

[northernladyuk]

You've misread between the lines. I am whatever I say I am, and if I wasn't then why would I say I am?

You see, many years ago I benefitted from mind expansion through limited use of recreational drugs (yes, despite what The Sun will tell you - limited use of drugs *can* be a good thing in the hands of educated people). And through this I left most of my ego behind. So, I don't need to boost my ego on an anonymous website.

What an anonymous website can do for me, is it allows me to communicate at a higher level of consciousness than in a professional setting. I could not say to my colleagues what I have explained to you here. I'm not making this stuff up- I am posting it so you know how things are working. I hope to learn something from others too.

I'm just here to learn, and to have a laugh. But believe me, I don't make things up. Why would I?

Because you're a Walter Mitty pole choker trying to make yourself feel better for your personal weaknesses. If you really were what you say, you wouldn't have bothered justifying yourself - you'd have just shrugged it off and ignored it.

But I like kebuber.

[Fronttoback]

Because you're a Walter Mitty pole choker trying to make yourself feel better for your personal weaknesses. If you really were what you say, you wouldn't have bothered justifying yourself - you'd have just shrugged it off and ignored it.

But I like kebuber.

I'm trying to get something more out of you than cynicism. And I respect you because sometimes you make Good points. I would have shrugged it Off for many others posters.

[northernladyuk]

I'm trying to get something more out of you than cynicism. And I respect you because sometimes you make Good points. I would have shrugged it Off for many others posters.

Too little, too late.

[Fronttoback]

Too little, too late.

I have just offered you an opportunity for real discussion - plugged into the third eye. No ego. No bullsh1t. The leveraged benefit of anonymity. You can trust me, I've done this before.

[barrydidit]

I have just offered you an opportunity for real discussion - plugged into the third eye. No ego. No bullsh1t. The leveraged benefit of anonymity. You can trust me, I've done this before.

NLyUK has had more 3rd eyes plugged in than anyone else.

[northernladyuk]

I have just offered you an opportunity for real discussion - plugged into the third eye. No ego. No bullsh1t. The leveraged benefit of anonymity. You can trust me, I've done this before.