Social workers - a rant

[Moscow Mule]

Standard of care in most homes is shocking. If you are lucky there will be one or two nurses with a clue. They will probably be Polish.

As soon as I hit 80 I'm going to start hang-gliding and hope for the best.

[SizeZero]

My Grandfather .

I read the rest of the rant, then kept coming back to these words. Can you afford 40 quid a week or not? If not - get your parents to pay now they aren't keeping you in nappies - after all, he spent a whole lot more in relative terms on whichever of your parents was his offspring. If you can afford it, refer to the quote above: Because unless this guy treated you all chonically, doesn't he deserve a place of relative comfort and safety in his final years?

This isn't about you. It isn't personal. It isn't a perfect system, but what is? He is the reason you are here today, moaning on an internet forum about the.. cost, burden, inconvenience, whatever.

[doodab]

It is difficult to find people who treat aged people they aren't related to with dignity, especially when you are paying close to minimum wage. We aren't really a caring nation, all of this suck-it-up buttercup / that's life / the market is god / survival of the fittest bulltulip has taken it's toll and left us unable to comprehend that the world, or at least our part of it, can actually be changed into a nicer place if we make a bit of effort.

Pay the £40. Tell your parents that was the money you were saving for them. I'm sure they'll chip in.

[meridian]

I read the rest of the rant, then kept coming back to these words. Can you afford 40 quid a week or not? If not - get your parents to pay now they aren't keeping you in nappies - after all, he spent a whole lot more in relative terms on whichever of your parents was his offspring. If you can afford it, refer to the quote above: Because unless this guy treated you all chonically, doesn't he deserve a place of relative comfort and safety in his final years?

This isn't about you. It isn't personal. It isn't a perfect system, but what is? He is the reason you are here today, moaning on an internet forum about the.. cost, burden, inconvenience, whatever.

WHS. It's only £40pw for a bloke who's probably worked hard all his life to keep one of your parents with food, clothing and a roof over their heads, and you're a contractor ffs, you should be able to afford it.

If your mam doesn't like paying for it, tell her you can't be bothered paying for her when she goes as well.

[suityou01]

@SizeSero, Doodab, Meridanbloke

I don't like what you posted, and don't know why you have interpreted my OP in this way.

Couple of things you should know.

1) It is my mother's father.
2) She has disowned him.
3) Her and my brother have fleeced him. Literally for every penny he has.
4) No one visits him apart from me.
5) £40 / week is a lot of money to me as I have a wife and 3 kids to support.

Sure enough I understand that if I have to find the money I will, and I do put his needs first.

THE POINT, and I stress this, is that the system have now shafted him, after his own daughter and grandson has. It aint perfect, and I am all he has got.

[doodab]

@SizeSero, Doodab, Meridanbloke

I don't like what you posted, and don't know why you have interpreted my OP in this way.

Couple of things you should know.

1) It is my mother's father.
2) She has disowned him.
3) Her and my brother have fleeced him. Literally for every penny he has.
4) No one visits him apart from me.
5) £40 / week is a lot of money to me as I have a wife and 3 kids to support.

Sure enough I understand that if I have to find the money I will, and I do put his needs first.

THE POINT, and I stress this, is that the system have now shafted him, after his own daughter and grandson has. It aint perfect, and I am all he has got.

Sorry, I didn't mean to offend. I was actually trying to sympathise because it seems to me that a lot of "the care industry" is anything but and I wouldn't want to see someone I loved left to rot in some god forsaken tuliphole staffed by people who are at best indifferent.

The system isn't perfect I agree, but it's better than nothing, which is what he would end up with if it wasn't there. My point is that it's your mother and the rest of them who are leaving it down to you, so you need to let them know what you think of their attitude and that you expect them to contribute. Split three ways it's £750 a year, so unless they are living in abject poverty I don't think they have any excuse and realistically (again this isn't meant to offend) it's probably only going to be for a few years.

Failing that, and pending the appeal, you are left with a choice between letting them shaft you as well or letting him spend the rest of his days somewhere less than satisfactory, which isn't a nice choice to have to make I agree.

[suityou01]

Sorry, I didn't mean to offend. I was actually trying to sympathise because it seems to me that a lot of "the care industry" is anything but and I wouldn't want to see someone I loved left to rot in some god forsaken tuliphole staffed by people who are at best indifferent.

The system isn't perfect I agree, but it's better than nothing, which is what he would end up with if it wasn't there. My point is that it's your mother and the rest of them who are leaving it down to you, so you need to let them know what you think of their attitude and that you expect them to contribute. Split three ways it's £750 a year, so unless they are living in abject poverty I don't think they have any excuse and realistically (again this isn't meant to offend) it's probably only going to be for a few years.

Failing that, and pending the appeal, you are left with a choice between letting them shaft you as well or letting him spend the rest of his days somewhere less than satisfactory, which isn't a nice choice to have to make I agree.

Might be being oversensitive. I think you can see why.

My family are a shower of tulip, seriously. My brother, who has been on the take for years, won't visit and said he will not attend the funeral. My mother won't visit nor contribute.

I have told the hospital I will pay the difference and launch the appeals process (Doogies advice IIRC, so thanks Doogie)

You are absolutely right I do not want him going somewhere sub standard, and I have the choice to do something about it, which I have.

The things that my mother has said recently beggars belief. Last Sunday night she rang to tell me about the two care homes in the paper, and warn me as the clients were being allegedly mistreated. When the question of the top up came around she indignantly said she can't afford it and if the hospital forced him into one of these care homes from hell then so be it as he probably won't be around much longer.

I found out she cleared him out of funds a few months ago (allegedly with his approval). The amount of money cleared would have made the shortfall for just over 2 years for info. She has had a load of work done at her house. It's hard to come to terms with the fact that your family are this horrible.

On the flip side I have a fantastic wife, 3 kids and my in laws are absolute stars.

Then of course there's all my friends on here

Edit : The last sentence was meant to be funny, but on reflection it might be misconstrued. I think there are good people on this board and the advice I have been given is good.

[realityhack]

Mrs RH is an Occupational Therapist working with the elderly, her words below:

"I'm familiar with the endless cycle of premature hospital discharges due to pressures for bed-space, and trying to match State provision to the reality of the person's needs whilst being fair to this burgeoning service user group and their relatives.

I agree that the best scenario is to deal with the here and now, having peace of mind that your grandfather is somewhere satisfactory for the time being. It is harsh but true that this may be a relatively short-lived scenario due to your grandfather's age and apparent complex pathologies. If you can cope with the financial pressure for now it gives you time to try and sort out the family issues for a longer-term dependency.

Age UK (Age Concern & Care for the Aged have merged) in your local area can be very good with general advice. Maybe they can give you advice as to your mother's financial responsibilities in this matter, regardless of her personal views.

With these sort of things they can seem overwhelming at the time, but as long as you can look back in X years' time and feel you've done what you can. It's a sad fact that we have huge amounts of people living into their 80s and 90s - many with no relatives, it's very much a balancing act between State and family support. Totally understand what you're going through though. Every empathy."

Mrs RH also mentioned that Social Services may have the power to investigate the financial situations of relatives abandoning those in care (sadly this appears to happen quite a lot).

[suityou01]

Mrs RH is an Occupational Therapist working with the elderly, her words below:

"I'm familiar with the endless cycle of premature hospital discharges due to pressures for bed-space, and trying to match State provision to the reality of the person's needs whilst being fair to this burgeoning service user group and their relatives.

I agree that the best scenario is to deal with the here and now, having peace of mind that your grandfather is somewhere satisfactory for the time being. It is harsh but true that this may be a relatively short-lived scenario due to your grandfather's age and apparent complex pathologies. If you can cope with the financial pressure for now it gives you time to try and sort out the family issues for a longer-term dependency.

Age UK (Age Concern & Care for the Aged have merged) in your local area can be very good with general advice. Maybe they can give you advice as to your mother's financial responsibilities in this matter, regardless of her personal views.

With these sort of things they can seem overwhelming at the time, but as long as you can look back in X years' time and feel you've done what you can. It's a sad fact that we have huge amounts of people living into their 80s and 90s - many with no relatives, it's very much a balancing act between State and family support. Totally understand what you're going through though. Every empathy."

Mrs RH also mentioned that Social Services may have the power to investigate the financial situations of relatives abandoning those in care (sadly this appears to happen quite a lot).

Thanks so much RH and Mrs RH.

I rang the care home and got hold of the manageress on the weekend. She was a delight and is moving heaven and earth her end to get him in today!!!!

I rang the ward and asked them to discharge him to the home immediately. They refused.

After all the pressure I was under yesterday from them as the hospital was under "red alert" and they need the bed back, to this.

All held up because of paperwork which cannot be done until Monday.

So I did something very out of character. I spat the dummy out. "I am already escalating this to my MP, please don't give me any more ammunition".

He is being discharged shortly.

I know they are overstretched, under resourced. I do sympathise but there comes a point where common sense must prevail. They need the bed back, he wants to get out of there (suffering depression from being in there for what must seem eternity - he has no short term memory so cannot remember all of the hurdles already cleared)

[suityou01]

Mrs RH also mentioned that Social Services may have the power to investigate the financial situations of relatives abandoning those in care (sadly this appears to happen quite a lot).

Putting my personal feelings aside, I think something needs to be done. He has been quite literally fleeced.