Kissing the Queen of Sheba Kissing the Queen of Sheba
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  1. #1

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    Default Kissing the Queen of Sheba

    An upcoming visit to Malc's northerly relations this weekend leaves me with a degree of trepidation about the whole excursion.

    My first issue is with the the food that will be on offer. As soon as the number of guests exceeds four, our hosts always, without exception, default to salad.

    I don't know about you lot but I can't abide salad and this is the kind of salad that would grace any 1970s buffet; gala pie, cold tongue, grated carrot, with the aroma of hard boiled egg all pervading.

    An anathema to a dedicated epicurean such as myself in other words.

    But these worries are secondary compared to the dread of the event that follows as our post prandial entertainment; a parlour game known as "Kissing The Queen Of Sheba".

    The game begins with the participant leaving the room to have a blindfold applied.

    Then upon re-entering, Malc's mother produces a half of an orange that has just been sliced into two, and waltzes around the room holding the orange while the remaining onlookers sing along to Old King Tut;

    Now old King Tut-Tut-Tut was always gay,
    Cleopatra she sat upon his knee, Pat! that's where she sat!

    The object of the game is for the player to use his or her olfactory senses to hone in on the orange and get close enough to administer a kiss to the fruit, or "Kiss the Queen of Sheba".

    Now, I'm not sure how this game got its name because the Queen of Sheba hailed from Ethiopia and therefore doesn't quite conform to our hitherto Egyptian flavour but I suspect it may have something to do with
    Malc's Great Uncle Ned (yes, still going strong at the age of 112) who hoofed the boards up and down the country with his drag act in a period spanning seven decades.

    Because, it is in the very last act of the game as our hapless contestant is poised to deliver his kiss, when the glistening, citrus hemisphere is quickly replaced by the reeking, denture-less oral cavity of Malc's Uncle Ned.

    And I can say from experience that if you come away having only acquired a bit of semi masticated scotch egg, you've done very well...

  2. #2

    More fingers than teeth

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    Are you on drugs?
    Brexit is having a wee in the middle of the room at a house party because nobody is talking to you, and then complaining about the smell.

  3. #3

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    Quote Originally Posted by darmstadt View Post
    Are you on drugs?
    If he is, then he needs to get a new dealer.

  4. #4

    CUK gives you wings

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    Carry on gricerboy et al, très drôle.
    If you think my attitude stinks, you should smell my fingers.

  5. #5

    Fingers like lightning

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    Keeping calm. Keeping invoicing.

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    I really should get out more.....
    I was miserable and depressed, but CUK turned it all around. Now I'm depressed and miserable.

  7. #7

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    Quote Originally Posted by zeitghost View Post
    Oi, Gricer, I was sat next to a couple of chaps on the train in this morning who were busily discussing upgrade/repairs to the line to Gwaun Cae Gurwen.

    Who'd have thunk it, eh?

    It's been a while since they closed the end on interchange at Brynamman.
    I have to confess that I am not that familiar with that part of the network.
    I may have explained here before that I have a deep seated fear of going under the Severn Tunnel.

  8. #8

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    Quote Originally Posted by gricerboy View Post
    I have to confess that I am not that familiar with that part of the network.
    I may have explained here before that I have a deep seated fear of going under the Severn Tunnel.
    Me too. That's why I go through it.

  9. #9

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    Quote Originally Posted by gricerboy View Post
    I have to confess that I am not that familiar with that part of the network.
    I may have explained here before that I have a deep seated fear of going under the Severn Tunnel.
    Oh, you mean the tunnel that is really, really close to the foundations of the new Severn Bridge, has a series of sumps/pumps running constantly to remove the 2 million liters of water pouring into it daily from an underground river and where two trains collided not that long ago?

    What are you worried about? Is it the rats?

  10. #10

    Contractor 'til I die

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    I was going to stay in and watch telly but this thread has persuaded me I need to go out, drink 8 pints, smoke a box of tabs, and get run over outside my house.
    While you're waiting, read the free novel we sent you. It's a Spanish story about a guy named 'Manual.'

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