Baby on Board

[darmstadt]

Except this morning on the train I could have punched a woman wearing a "baby on board" badge on her lapel.

I reckon you should get one that says: "I do not buy loose onions!"

[edison]

I am a placid man. I am easy going with a bit of attitude and rarely am I pushed into wanting to actually punch someone. Except this morning on the train I could have punched a woman wearing a "baby on board" badge on her lapel.

She walks onto the train and pushes me with a look of entitlement on her face. Excuse me she says pushing past me and then interrupts a woman passenger who was sitting down just in front of me "excuse me she says but I am pregnant can I have that seat?". the girl gets up apologising for not having noticed (she could not have had time), gives up her seat and the "pregnant woman sits down with a self satisfied look on her face and immediately starts fiddling with her mobile.

Had she not been wearing the badge no one would have noticed she was pregnant and what really annoyed me was that she was clearly showing off and expecting everyone to cow tow to her selfishness.
My first though was would I sh*g her? - if she was fit then I could have excused her - I am not a fussy man but the answer was resolutely NO.
I then thought about her attitude and wondered what sort of bloke would want to marry her.
Next I asked myself what sort of job she would be doing...


Then it came to me.. she had to be working in HR.

that was the point at which I wanted to punch her.

Reminds me of the time I saw an argument between a pregnant woman trying to push past a woman to get a seat on a crammed train. The second woman says 'oi, be careful' to which the pregnant lady says 'I'm pregnant' to which the reply comes 'and I've got cancer...'

How heavily pregnant was she? Maybe she was a bit rude but I know from my time when I was on crutches after knee surgery and had to use the tube that no f**ker would give up their seat for me without me asking

[SueEllen]

Reminds me of the time I saw an argument between a pregnant woman trying to push past a woman to get a seat on a crammed train. The second woman says 'oi, be careful' to which the pregnant lady says 'I'm pregnant' to which the reply comes 'and I've got cancer...'

How heavily pregnant was she? Maybe she was a bit rude but I know from my time when I was on crutches after knee surgery and had to use the tube that no f**ker would give up their seat for me without me asking

On public transport if you are screwed the only people who will give up a seat to you freely are elderly or foreign.

Able-bodied men are slightly ruder than able-bodied women simply because women are normally reading something there as men are deliberately trying to avoid eye contact.

Personally in recent years I prefer to look like I'm going to fall down. It gets people worried as if you collapse you will really delay their journey. I've actually had people begging me to sit down.

[hyperD]

The things people do to get a seat on public transport:

I was on a crowded train and there was one seat available. The problem was, the said seat had a pile of newspaper sheets over it with a large turd on it. Most commuters had walked into the carriage, saw the turd and expressed disgust, as would we all.

Eventually, one young chap forced his way in, spied the empty seat, saw the glistening turd, he wrapped it up in the newspaper and put in on the floor and sat down in the seat.

Personally, for all that valiant effort, it would be better to pop your winkle out and sit down in one of the soon to be quickly vacated seats. But that's just me.

[Old Greg]

The things people do to get a seat on public transport:

I was on a crowded train and there was one seat available. The problem was, the said seat had a pile of newspaper sheets over it with a large turd on it. Most commuters had walked into the carriage, saw the turd and expressed disgust, as would we all.

Eventually, one young chap forced his way in, spied the empty seat, saw the glistening turd, he wrapped it up in the newspaper and put in on the floor and sat down in the seat.

Personally, for all that valiant effort, it would be better to pop your winkle out and sit down in one of the soon to be quickly vacated seats. But that's just me.

How did the recruitment agent react to being turfed out of his seat?

[doodab]

I get up early and get on a nearly empty train.

[sasguru]

I am a placid man. I am easy going with a bit of attitude and rarely am I pushed into wanting to actually punch someone. Except this morning on the train I could have punched a woman wearing a "baby on board" badge on her lapel.

She walks onto the train and pushes me with a look of entitlement on her face. Excuse me she says pushing past me and then interrupts a woman passenger who was sitting down just in front of me "excuse me she says but I am pregnant can I have that seat?". the girl gets up apologising for not having noticed (she could not have had time), gives up her seat and the "pregnant woman sits down with a self satisfied look on her face and immediately starts fiddling with her mobile.

Had she not been wearing the badge no one would have noticed she was pregnant and what really annoyed me was that she was clearly showing off and expecting everyone to cow tow to her selfishness.
My first though was would I sh*g her? - if she was fit then I could have excused her - I am not a fussy man but the answer was resolutely NO.
I then thought about her attitude and wondered what sort of bloke would want to marry her.
Next I asked myself what sort of job she would be doing...
Then it came to me.. she had to be working in HR.

that was the point at which I wanted to punch her.

Feck me, you use the tube? What a pleb.

[EternalOptimist]

I used to reserve my seat on the tube with a large poo wrapped up in the star, till someone started nicking them

[DodgyAgent]

Next time, just say, I doubt you are pregnant, you're too ugly for anyone to have shagged you.

EDIT: by the way, from TFL's website:

Baby on board badges

Pregnant women can wear a 'Baby on board' badge to let other passengers know they may need a seat.

These are available from Tube station ticket offices. If you live in Greater London or south east England, you can also request a badge through our Customer Service Centre, by emailing your full name and address to [email protected] or by calling 0343 222 1234.

Cheers Platypus, I got one this morning

[andyc2000]

Cheers Platypus, I got one this morning

Of course, technically it's not a baby until it's actually been born. Perhaps the males here could get something that says: 'Millions of potential babies on board'.