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  1. #7701

    Prof Cunning @ Oxford Uni

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    I have a friend with no social skills and a Ph.D in the history of palindromes.


    I call him Dr. Awkward.
    I'm perfect, in a very specific and limited way.
    Hands... out infractions
    Face... the music
    Space... between the ears

  2. #7702

    My post count is Majestic

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    My wife screamed at me “You’re bloody obsessed with those Star Wars movies. I’m leaving you”


    “May divorce be with you” I replied.
    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

  3. #7703

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    My doctor said that I should put a bar in my shower to stop me falling over.





    Silly boy! After four double rums I can't even find the soap.
    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

  4. #7704

    Double Godlike!


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    I was wanked off by my Mum's sister last night. What an auntie climax.
    The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world that he didn't exist

  5. #7705

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    A guy walks in to a bar and sits down, just a few seats from him there is a very buxom blonde with huge size 42CC breasts.


    The guy orders a beer. The bartender fills the mug and slides it down the bar. It hits the lady's boobs and splashes all over them...


    The bartender retrieves the glass and licks the beer off the blonde. Each time he calls for a beer, this happens. So after the third beer, he decides to help the bartender out. The next time the bartender hits her boobs,he jumps up and starts to lick her breasts...AND SHE DECKS HIM.


    He is laying on the floor moaning and groaning, "Jeez..then why do you let the bartender do it?"


    Are you ready . . . .


    here it comes . . . .












    The blonde replies "Because he has a liquor license"
    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

  6. #7706

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    I urgently needed a few days off work, but I knew the boss would not allow me to take a leave. I thought that maybe if I acted "CRAZY" then he would tell me to take a few days off. So I hung upside down on the ceiling and made funny noises.


    My coworker (who is blonde) asked me what I was doing. I told her that I was pretending to be a light bulb so that the boss would think I was "CRAZY" and give me a few days off. A few minutes later the boss came into the office and asked "What are you doing"?


    I told him I was a light bulb.


    He said "You are clearly stressed out. Go home and recuperate for a couple of days".


    I jumped down and walked out of the office. When my co-worker followed me, the boss asked her "...And where do you think you're going"?


    She said, "I'm going home too, I can't work in the dark"!
    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

  7. #7707

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    What's the difference between my wife and my computer?I can turn my computer on.
    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

  8. #7708

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    There's a urinary side effect to the new Pfizer vaccine.


    It makes your p silent
    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

  9. #7709

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    I was just reading an article about that actress becoming trans gender
    ... a real Page turner
    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

  10. #7710

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    If the new covid vaccine is still liquid after being stored at minus 70 degrees, it must be made of McDonald's deep fried Apple Pie filling.
    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

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